


Liberating Quality, A

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-01-15
Updated: 2004-01-15
Packaged: 2019-05-15 09:24:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14787849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of theWest Wing Fanfiction Central, a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in theannouncement post.





	Liberating Quality, A

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**A Liberating Quality**

**by:** Brandy  


**Category:** Romance  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine. I've tried, but I can't get custody. Drat!!  
**Characters:** Donna, Josh  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Summary:** This is the 7th in the 'Flowers, Dinners  & Keeping Secrets' series. 

* * *

    **"Hostage Situation Reveals White House Romance"**

  The first thought Donna had when she saw the captioned picture was, why couldn’t anything be easy for them? If it wasn’t so maddening , it might almost be comical.

Donna looked from the headline to CJ, then Toby, and finally at Leo. CJ looked angry and worried. Toby wore that inscrutable expression that made it almost impossible to determine what was going on inside his head. That bothered Donna more than she cared to think. Of course, the real determining factor was Leo. He had a thunderous expression on his face but it was impossible to determine whether his anger was directed at the situation or at her and Josh. His attention drifted from the tabloid page to where CJ and Toby sat.

  "Okay, how do we handle this?"

  CJ didn’t respond right away, but as Donna looked in her direction she could see that she was actively turning the elements of an idea over in her mind. She knew that CJ would try to be as supportive as possible, but she still had a job to do and the administration came before considerations of friendship. Finally, she looked directly at Leo, with conviction in her voice.

  "We treat it as a non-story."

  "Are you serious? You expect this to just go away?" Leo asked, his voice laced with obvious disbelief.

  "No, I don’t think it will go away, Leo. I’m not stupid- and like the man said, ‘a picture’s worth a thousand words’. This particular bell will not be un-rung. The question now is how we react to it. If we go out of our way to explain their relationship, it’s going to look like spin. If we refuse to answer questions, it’s going to look like we’re trying to cover it up. So we wait until the question is asked."

  "That’ll take all of thirty seconds", Toby muttered from his place next to CJ.

  "However long it takes-" CJ replied, giving Toby a look that said his prediction wasn’t helping the situation. "We’ll preface any comment that we give by stating that it is not White House policy to comment on the personal lives of it’s staff. That said, we’ll confirm that Josh and Donna have been dating for a few months, and that their private lives are their own business."

  "What if the question of professionalism comes up?" Leo asked.

  "If it does, then we will respond with the fact that if either of them had been behaving in an unprofessional or indiscreet way that their relationship would have been discovered a long time ago."

  Toby sent her a significant look and replied, "Yeah, and that’s not going to send the message that they were hiding it up in the first place."

"Fine, Mr. Negative. How would you respond to that question?"

"I would say that their professional demeanor has remained the same throughout and there’s no reason to think that there is any reason that will change", Toby replied with a slight, yet self- satisfied smile. "I mean, let’s face it. Everyone who has come in contact with Josh is very aware that he and Donna work closely. They know how much he relies on her, and the level of professionalism she’s always exhibited."

  When Toby was finished, Donna was blushing with pleasure at what amounted to unprecedented praise from Toby, and CJ was smiling despite herself.

  Leaning back in his chair, Leo nodded slightly. Josh watched him carefully, knowing that Leo was weighing everything that had been said before he spoke again. Finally he turned to Josh and Donna.

  "Okay, this is what we’re going to do… Donna-" Leo began, and was quickly interrupted when Josh stepped forward.

  "Leo, before you say anything, I want you to know that it would be grossly unfair to punish Donna in any way, shape, or form because our relationship has become public. Neither of us has done anything…" Josh trailed off when he noticed that Leo was smiling at him in a way that was not at all endearing. "What?"

  "Why would you assume that I was about to do something that would in some way punish Donna?"

  "Uhhh…I don’t have an immediate answer for that", Josh replied, feeling a little foolish. He glanced at Donna, who wore an expression that was a mixture of concern, anticipation, and a little amusement.

  "Good. Now would you like to know what I was about to say before you chose to deliver your little speech on fairness and punishment?"

  "Sure…"

  Josh saw that smile on Leo’s face again and was not encouraged.

"Donna, as I was saying, we’re going to modify your role here a little. You will no longer be working exclusively for Josh."

  "Pardon?" Donna said, her confusion apparent. She was also trying to hide her alarm. She didn’t want to be transferred away from Josh, especially not now.

  "Wait a minute, Leo. I thought you said-" Josh’s protests were quickly halted by the look Leo was giving him. The look clearly said that Leo was rapidly approaching the end of his patience. Recognizing that his message had been received, Leo continued.

  "I understand you’ve been working with the President on occasion," Leo stated, giving Donna his complete attention.

  "That’s true. He’s asked for my help on a few things."

  "From what I understand he would ask for your assistance more often if you were able to find the time," Leo replied, glancing briefly at Josh.

  "I always try to be available for the President. Maybe if I…" Donna trailed off as Leo waved off her suggestion.

  "Donna, you’ve been doing a fine job for the President and he’s very appreciative, but there are only so many hours in the day. Nobody expects you to do more than you have been. In fact, I’m proposing giving you some help."

  "What sort of help?" Donna asked, glancing at Josh, then back to Leo.

  "I’m giving you an assistant of your own. Interview a couple of people from personnel and decide who would suit you. They will be there to assist you and take the less essential tasks off your hands. You’ll be able to split your time a lot more efficiently between Josh and the President. How’s that sound to you?", Leo asked, a pleased smile on his face. Donna looked from Leo to Josh, and could tell that he was less than thrilled with the idea. Of course, Josh had never been particularly generous when it came to sharing her. It was a measure of his loyalty and devotion to the President that he shared her time with him to the extent that he did. Of course, it was not like he was losing her as an assistant, and it would make her life a lot easier. Taking a breath, she faced Leo again.

  "That sounds wonderful. Thank you."

  Donna was also thanking him for not asking that she resign as Josh’s assistant, but thought it better not to bring that up at this particular time.

  "Good. Now that that’s taken care of, I think we all have matters of real importance to tend to."

  Realizing that as far as Leo was concerned the matter was taken care of, Toby and CJ made their way out of Leo’s office. Donna glanced at Josh again, and realizing he wasn’t quite ready to leave, she reminded him of an appointment he had soon and then left the room.

  Once they were alone, Leo leaned back in his chair and cast an inquisitive look at Josh.

  "You need something else?"

  "Yeah…No… Are you trying to phase Donna out as my assistant, Leo?"

  "Phase her out? Did you hear me say anything like that?"

  "No. But…."

  "Well, then let’s assume that I have no hidden motives. Come on, Josh. It’s really not going to kill you to share Donna, and I’ve got to say, she’s been run pretty ragged the last few months. She could certainly use the help. There is also the fact that Donna deserves this. She’s done some good work for the President and he appreciates it. I think she’s made dealing with Mrs. Landingham’s loss a little easier for him. Besides, maybe you‘ll learn to appreciate her a little more", Leo replied, picking up a file from the top of a stack that sat on his desk. He looked up at Josh again when he spoke.

  "If I didn’t appreciate her before, Leo, then I definitely do now. I learned that lesson the hard way."

  Leo heard  the absolute conviction in Josh’s voice and realized that maybe questioning Josh’s appreciation of Donna at that particular time may not have been the most tactful move. His expression softening a little, he said.

  "I know. You both have. Now stop bothering me and get back to work." Leo was back to being his usual gruff self , even though Josh saw the smile he was trying to suppress.

  "Okay", Josh smiled a little in return, and left Leo’s office feeling a lot better than when he had arrived.

  When Josh returned to the bullpen, he saw Donna at her desk, furiously trying to restore order to the chaos that had resulted from her taking an unscheduled day off. He was amazed at how quickly she managed to achieve that order, and realized that Leo did have a point. In their personal life, Josh always tried to do his level best not to take Donna for granted. He tried to be supportive of her needs, and maintain a more open and honest level of communication than he had ever thought possible with anyone. He was, however, forced to accept the fact that not very much had changed in regards to their professional relationship, or more accurately what he demanded from Donna. A lot had changed when it came to the scope of her responsibilities, and with the reelection campaign getting ready to go into full swing, it would get even worse. Leo was right- she had been run ragged lately. He should have thought of getting her more help himself. Even without the work she did for the President, she could use the help.

  As Josh approached Donna’s desk, he noticed that she looked a little tense.

  "Hey…you okay?"

  "Yeah. Did your talk with Leo go okay?" she asked, not looking at Josh, but keeping her attention focused on what she was doing.

  "Yeah…Donna?" Josh touched her shoulder in an attempt to get her to look at him. She finally did, and Josh was a little unsettled by the look in her eyes.

  "What?"

  "You’re okay with Leo’s idea- aren’t you?"

  "Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?" Donna replied. The smile that accompanied her answer, seeming to Josh, a little forced.

  "Okay. I just wanted to make sure. Let me know if you need any help with interviewing assistants, okay?"

  Donna assured him she would and reminded him again about the appointment he had. Josh left her desk then, to return to his own. He couldn’t shake the feeling though, that things were not nearly as okay as Donna wanted him to believe.

* * *

Donna was aware of just how contrary her words and actions seemed to Josh. Since their relationship had progressed beyond the professional, Josh had worked hard on honing his relationship skills. Little nuances of her behavior, that had once gone unnoticed, were now given their proper attention.

  Of course, since the robbery, and everything that had happened because of it, Josh had been extra diligent. She knew he was doing it out of love and concern, but in some ways it was making it very hard to move past what had happened. It wasn’t anything overt that he was doing… it was little things. The looks that he gave her when he assumed she wasn’t paying attention. The way he held her at night, just a little too tightly- almost with a feeling of desperation. Then there was the guilt she knew he still felt. The guilt provoked more than frustration on her part- it brought up feelings of anger. If truth be told, it royally pissed her off. He had sworn up and down after their talk that he had abandoned his stupid notion that her being in that store at that particular time was his fault. It was happenstance…fate… dumb-assed, stupid, bad luck. It was *not* the responsibility of Joshua Lyman. Of course, Josh would never believe that. He was one of the most powerful men in the country. He controlled the moon and the stars, and the rotation of the earth. He determined when stupid, desperate boys would commit, stupid desperate acts. At the very least he possessed foreknowledge of such events, and had directed her to that market on that fateful day with dark intentions. ‘Okay… maybe I’m leaning a little heavy on the sarcastic commentary’, she thought, ‘but still…’

  She didn’t want Josh to don some invisible hair shirt and beat himself up every time she experienced any type of fall-out over what had happened in the market. Of course she didn’t want to experience the unpleasant leftovers of what she had lived through there either. Apparently, neither of these desires would be satisfied.  Sighing in frustration, Donna picked up the phone on her desk and dialed the extension for Debbie De LaGuardia’s office in personnel. The sooner she set up interviews for her new assistant, the sooner she would have something else to focus her attention on.

  Josh returned from his appointment on the Hill later than he had anticipated. The meeting hadn’t gone as smoothly, or been as nearly as productive, as he hoped. In retrospect, he had no one but himself to blame. He had been distracted and curt from the beginning. His mind had been on Donna and her odd behavior before he left. Ever since she had been returned safely to him that evening, he had made a solemn vow that he would never take the second chance that they’d been given for granted. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t shake the blinding fear he’d felt that night as he’d listened to those shots and the terror filled screams. He had lived through ten kinds of hell as he waited for Donna to be returned to him- hopefully alive. He had prayed for the first time in a long time that night- promising God whatever he wanted if he would just bring Donna out of that market alive and well. God, aided by Detective Morgan, had delivered her into his arms unharmed. But- everything wasn’t right. Something had happened to Donna that night. It had injured her in some unseen way. Josh knew all about the scars that were invisible to the naked eye. They were the hardest ones to heal, and ultimately they could inflict far more damage than the obvious ones. Donna had been the one to see his inner scars, and save him from his own dark fate. Yes, she’d been aided by Leo, but if it hadn’t been for her, how long would his own excursion into hell have gone unnoticed? Until there was no way back? Now it was his turn to do the saving. He just hoped he was up to the task.

  Leo and the President were sitting in the Oval Office, having just wrapped some of the more pressing matters of the day. The President had just poured himself a scotch, and  Leo a soft drink, and Leo had brought up the upcoming trip to California.

  "I don’t want to talk about the California trip", President Bartlet stated firmly.

  "Okay. It’s not like California will be important to us during re-election. Who needs their paltry fifty-four electoral votes?" Leo replied with a negligent shrug.

  "Leo, sarcasm really is the grumpy man’s wit. Not to mention- that was kind of snotty. I mean, you are, after all, addressing the President- in the Oval Office , no less", President Bartlet rejoined, although the censure in his comments was about as serious as Leo’s sarcasm had been. Their conversational thrust and parry was as much a part of their friendship as their loyalty and devotion to one another.

  "In that case, I beg your pardon, Mr. President. What topic of conversation would you like to pursue at this time."

  "Smart-ass…", the President muttered, unable to hide a smile as he said it. "But since you asked so nicely- I was wondering about that headline in the paper today- regarding Josh and Donna. How are we treating that?"

  "It’s nothing. A non-story."

  "CJ handled it okay in the briefing?"

  "She did fine. I think, regardless of that rather inflammatory headline, the press is behaving rather well. I also think the gloves are on for right now", Leo observed with a shrug. "Regardless, CJ will handle it if things get sticky."

  "How’s Donna doing?"

  "She’s good. That girl’s got a lot more strength than even I imagined."

  "Yes… well I think she proved that when Josh was shot. All the same, I’d like it if you’d keep an extra special eye on her. I don’t want any… complications arising from what happened to go unnoticed. Josh may not be as vigilant or observant as Donna was", President Bartlet said, giving Leo a rather pointed look. Leo already knew what he was referring to. He would never forget that day when Josh blew up in the Oval Office. Oddly enough, Donna had come to his office earlier that same day to reluctantly share her concerns over Josh’s recent behavior. That conversation had been playing in the back of Leo’s mind as he saw first hand why she had been so concerned.

  "I think he’s learned a thing or two about that sort of thing since then, but I’ll do my best. You’ll have an opportunity to keep the occasional eye on her yourself, as well. I saw to that today."

  "What’s that supposed to mean?"

  "I managed to free up some of Donna’s time. I know you’ve been working with her on a few projects, and now you’ll be able so a little more often.", Leo replied with a smile of satisfaction.

  "How did you arrange that? Did you clone her? Steal her out from under Josh when he wasn’t looking?" President Bartlet asked with a cheeky grin. Leo couldn’t restrain the impulse to roll his eyes.

  "Nothing that complicated or Machiavellian, I assure you. I simply gave her an assistant of her own. Now she can shift the easier, more mundane tasks onto that person’s shoulders and they can give her a much needed helping hand."

  "What an exceptional idea! Wait… Josh is sitting still for this? I wouldn’t have thought he knew how to share where Donna is concerned."

  "He’ll live. Besides, it helps a little when the person asking you to share is the President of the United States."

  "Yes- I suppose it does… At any rate, I’m glad I’ll have the pleasure of Donna’s remarkable research skills on a more steady basis."

  "I thought you would… Now can we discuss California?"  
  
  CJ noticed Josh when he walked into the bullpen. She had definitely seen him look happier. Either his trip to the Hill had gone badly or… no- it couldn’t be Donna. CJ had talked to her earlier. She had seemed fine. A little edgy- but that was to be expected, all things considered. The poor girl had just survived a near-death experience. It would be unrealistic to expect her to be all smiles and sunshine. Something was obviously bothering him though. Maybe he’d seen something that she hadn’t. Maybe… At that moment, she made her decision and walked over to intercept him before he made it to his office.

  "Hey, Josh- can you come in here a minute?" she asked, titling her head toward her office.

  He stopped and turned to face CJ . She couldn’t miss the impatient sigh or the quick look he cast in the direction of Donna’s desk. She wasn’t sitting there, and that only seemed to add to his agitation. With a resigned sigh, he returned his attention to CJ. She walked into her office, giving him no choice but to follow. She rounded her desk and sat down.

  "So…how’d the meeting on the Hill go?"

  "Not well. I was… never mind. What did you need?" he asked, his voice and manner brimming with impatience.

  "Is there going to be a problem with-" CJ began, but Josh abruptly cut her off.

  "Don’t worry about it, CJ! It’s my mess, I’ll clean it up."

  "Okay… look, Josh- is something going on? Some problem? Something with Donna maybe?"

  That got Josh’s attention. To CJ, he looked like a man whose senses had just been put on red alert.

  "What about Donna? Did something happen?"

  "That’s what I asked you. Good grief, Josh! Calm down and tell me what the hell has you so wound up."

  Josh fell, more than sat, onto CJ’s sofa, expelling one long breath, and raking his hand through his hair as evidence of his frustration.

  "I don’t know. That’s the worst part- I just don’t know. Something’s not right with her. I just can’t figure out what."

  CJ relaxed a little- but only a little. Whatever elusive thing had Josh so wound up, it was very real to him.

  "Josh- we talked about this. Remember? I told you she wasn’t going to shake what happened over night. You can’t expect her not to have some residual fear and anxiety- even anger over what happened. It’s unrealistic to expect everything to just snap back to normal."

  "I know that CJ… Don’t you think I know that? She’s not letting me in though. She’s going through all this and she’s still trying to protect me. I know it."

  "Well… you should know all about that too, Josh. When you were going through your stuff, you weren’t exactly available and open."

  "Yeah- but the difference is that Donna did something about it. She saved me from all that."

  "You saved yourself, Josh. Donna may have pointed out the need, but you did the work yourself. Donna’s going to have to find her own way too", CJ pointed out calmly and reasonably, all the while her heart was breaking for them. Why couldn’t they, just once, have things nice and easy?

  "I need to take care of her, CJ… I need to be there for her. I need to make it up to her…"

  Josh trailed off, burying his head in his hands. He didn’t need to explain what he meant about making it up to her. She knew all about the mantle of guilt he carried. It was irrational and wrong- but it was there. It was just one more hurdle the two of them would have to overcome before they could reclaim their happiness. She shook her head and sighed at the gross unfairness of it all.  

* * *

  Donna walked into the little café and saw her roommate Cammie sitting at a corner table. Cammie noticed her at almost the same time and with a wide smile waved her over. Donna returned the smile, and rushed across the café to meet her. The two of them embraced as though they hadn’t seen each other for years, instead of days. For a moment Donna was wondering if Cammie would let her go, and was a little disturbed to see tears welling in Cammie’s eyes when she did.

  "What’s the matter?" Donna asked, genuinely puzzled, as they moved over to the table and sat down.

  "What’s the matter, you ask? I swear, Donna- sometimes I just can’t believe you! I see you for the first time since you almost get killed, and you act like this is just any other lunch date. You can’t believe how badly I feel about what happened that day. If only…" Cammie trailed off, emotion temporarily overwhelming her ability to continue.

  Donna was secretly glad Cammie was unable to finish that thought. If one more person told her they felt responsible for what had happened to her she was going to jump up and down and scream at the top of her lungs. First it was Josh, and that ridiculous guilt he seemed to carry around over anything that happened to anyone he loved. Then Sam told her was sorry about arranging the whole thing in the first place- as if people who get together for an afternoon of watching football were courting the worst kind of disaster. Poor Mr. Barton had even stepped up to take his portion of guilt. When Donna had visited him in the hospital, he apologized for harm coming to her in his establishment, going on to say that if he hadn’t been so cheap, and bought a better alarm system, the police might have gotten there sooner. Then she and the others might not have been held hostage. The poor man was lying there in a hospital bed recovering from a gunshot wound- which thankfully hadn’t been as serious as they feared- and he was apologizing to her.

  "Donna?" Cammie reached across the table and touched Donna’s hand to get her attention.

  "Sorry… I was thinking of something."

  "You’re okay, aren’t you?"

  "Yes. Of course. Look, Cammie- what you were saying before… Please don’t hit me with any ‘if only’s’- Okay?"

  "But Donna…"

  "I’m serious, Cammie. It happened. It’s over. I’m fine. No one outside that store was to blame. I told you all this before", Donna said, hoping that Cammie would just let it drop. She was sick to death of the sympathetic looks, and people treating her like she was made of glass. The fact that it came from love and concern just irritated her all the more. She couldn’t even feel justified in showing her impatience and anger.

  She was relieved when Cammie seemed to take the hint and let it go. They ordered a light lunch and caught up on things. Overall, it was a pleasant enough time between two friends who didn’t really get to spend that much time together- despite their living situation.

  There was only one moment that marred their time together, and it happened just as they were preparing to leave. Cammie had gone to the ladies room, and Donna was standing near the entrance paying their check. At that moment two things happened which had an extremely unpleasant effect on Donna. The first was two young men entering the café who, to Donna, at that moment, bore a striking resemblance to the robbers who had entered the Barton Market not quite a week ago. The other was a busboy dropping a bus pan full of dishes not two feet behind her. That combination of events resulted in Donna dropping to her knees next to the front counter. When Cammie returned from the ladies room, she saw Donna on the floor, her eyes wide and her complexion as white as a sheet. Cammie hurried over to Donna and kneeling down, asked her what had happened. Cammie’s concern doubled, when at first Donna didn’t even seem to acknowledge her presence.

 "Donna? …Donna? What happened? Did you fall or something?"

  Just then, Donna focused on Cammie’s words, and with a look of abject embarrassment, seemed to realize that she was sitting on the floor of the café, for reasons beyond explanation. Not to mention the fact that there were a dozen or so pairs of eyes regarding her with curiosity and concern.

  "I’m fine… I slipped. I must have hit my side- knocked the wind out of me or something. Can you give me a hand up?"

  Cammie helped her to stand and looked her over closely. Donna was lying. Cammie knew it as well as she knew the true color of her own hair. She also knew that if she called her on it, Donna would deny it forever. She let the lame explanation pass without challenge and after making sure the check had been paid, they walked outside. Cammie wanted to share a cab back to the White House with Donna, but she had an appointment she couldn’t miss on the other side of town. The thing she really didn’t want to do at that moment was leave Donna alone. Cammie sighed and watched as Donna got in the cab, after promising to give her a call later. ‘ I may not be able to stay with her, but I can do the next best thing’, she thought, as she dialed Josh’s number.   
  
  Josh put the phone down with a heavy sigh, unsure of what his next step should be. Cammie had told him what happened during their lunch date, but she didn’t have a clue what had caused it. She was clearly worried, and wanted him to keep an eye on Donna. The thing was, Donna had been adamant during the last day or so that she did not want, nor need, any special looking after. She had been very clear about wanting to get past what had happened, and everyone’s continued solicitousness was making that extremely difficult to do. He recognized that behavior quite well. It was nothing more than stubborn, bull-headed avoidance. What was that old saying- ‘It takes one to know one’? In this case, it was most definitely the truth. For a moment Josh was tempted to go the route that Donna had and ask Leo’s advice/assistance, but the more he thought of that, the less he liked it. It might be a lot easier to go straight to the source of good advice. Picking up the phone, he dialed a number he had long ago committed to memory.

 

   As he had the last time Josh called out of the blue, Stanley managed to make time for him. After dispensing with the pleasantries, Stanley asked what had prompted him to call.

  "It’s not for me. I mean in a way it is… but not really."

  Josh stopped babbling when he saw the expression on Stanley’s face.

  "Really, Stanley- I realize that sounds like the kind of dodge  patients use with their shrinks all the time- but in this case it’s true", Josh stated, his expression the picture of innocence and sincerity.

   Stanley, unable to suppress a smile, leaned forward in his chair, and said, "Josh, why don’t you just tell me why you called."

  "Do you recall reading about that robbery in that little market across town? It went bad and there were some injuries. The gunman held some people hostage."

  When Stanley affirmed that he’d heard about it, Josh continued.

  "Well… one of those hostages was Donna."

  "Donna- Your assistant, Donna?"

  "Yeah… well, she’s a little more than that now. Actually , she’s a lot more- but that really doesn’t have anything to do with this. Well… it might add another dimension to…" Josh got up from where he was sitting and started to pace around the room. This had seemed like such a clear, well thought out answer to the problem. Now that he was here, he couldn’t manage to find a place to start. Stanley watched him struggle with his thoughts for a moment, then asked Josh to tell him what had happened in the market.

  Josh told him in great detail everything that had happened- from the moment they had decided to get together, until CJ had brought them home that night. He also revealed something to Stanley during the telling that he didn’t realize. The guilt Josh felt over what had happened was very evident to Stanley. He was further convinced that Donna was  very likely feeling the burden of Josh’s guilt, along with whatever else she was going through.

 "Has she returned to work?"

 "Yeah.. .I wanted her to take a few extra days off- you know, regroup, rest. She wouldn’t do it though. She took *one* day off, and that was to go downtown and give her statement and to visit Mr. Barton. The next day she’s right back to the same insane schedule", Josh replied, his frustration at her unwillingness to be taken care of glaringly apparent.

     Stanley didn’t point out that Josh was hardly one to criticize others when it came to keeping a demanding schedule.

  "Don’t you think Donna knows how much she can handle?" Stanley asked in his calm, unflappable way.

  "Honestly? No, I don’t. I think she’s running as fast as she can to put this behind her, and it’s gaining on her. I think it’s just waiting to bite her in the ass, and I don’t know what to do to help."

  "You can only do what Donna will allow you to do, Josh. You know that better than anyone", Stanley pointed out.

  Josh looked at him then, with a wry smile and shaking his head, said, "You know - you’re the second person to tell me that."

  "Maybe that should tell you something", Stanley replied, leaning back in his chair, regarding Josh carefully.

  "Maybe it should… So, where do I go from here?"

  "Be there when she wants you to be. Try to understand all her conflicting emotions- even when she doesn’t understand them herself- especially then.  Most importantly though, try to get her to talk to someone that she can let all this out to. Someone objective. Someone that she doesn’t feel the need to protect or be careful with."

  "Could you see her?" Josh asked, hopefully.

  "Under the circumstances, I don’t think that would be a good idea. I can give you the name of someone who deals extensively in this area. They do individual and group sessions. I think both would be good for Donna", Stanley replied, going over to his desk and jotting down a name and number and handing it to Josh.

  Josh took the card containing the information, and after thanking Stanley, asked him one more question.

  "So…how do I get her to make the appointment and go?"

  "That’s the first step and the biggest hurdle. I can’t tell you how, but I think you’ll know when the opportunity presents itself."

  "I hope so, Stanley. I really hope so."

  Josh thanked him again for his time and left.   
  
 When Josh returned to the west wing, he saw Donna sitting at her desk talking on the phone. He made his way through the bullpen at a semi- leisurely pace. He was hoping to have the chance to observe Donna without her knowing, at least for a little while. He couldn’t get past the fact that if Cammie hadn’t called and told him what happened at lunch, he would never been able to tell from her present demeanor. That bothered him more than he cared to think about. By the time he reached her desk, she had just finished her call and looked up at Josh with surprise.

  "Hey, where have you been?"

  "Something came up. I had to go out for a little while", Josh hedged, then quickly changed the subject. Gesturing towards the phone, he asked, "Was that call for me?"

  "No, it was for me", Donna replied, and noticing his obvious curiosity, she added, "It was Detective Morgan. He’s in reception. He said he has something for me."

  "Did he say what?" Josh asked , puzzled, and not a little alarmed.

  "No. I told him I’d come down and meet him."

  "Do you want me to go with you?"

  "No. I’ll be fine. Besides, you have a pile of stuff on your desk, and Leo needs to see you."

  "Okay…well, you know where I’ll be if you need me", Josh said, and watched as Donna got up to leave.  She nodded and waved him into his office before leaving the bullpen.

  Josh walked into his office and fell into his chair, wondering and worrying about whatever Morgan had for Donna and what effect it would have on her.

* * *

   Donna saw Detective Morgan standing in the reception area before he saw her. She watched for just a moment as he took in his surroundings while he waited for her to arrive. She couldn’t help but smile at the effect the White House had on people. Not only the deep and abiding sense of the history that had been shaped within these walls, but the enormity of everything, great and small, that occurred every moment of every day. It really was awe-inspiring, and it never failed to amaze her that so few people who lived in and around DC took advantage of the experience. Just as she was about to walk over to him, Detective Morgan noticed her. He smiled and she walked over.

  "It’s good to see you, Detective Morgan", Donna said, the smile that she wore while she observed him still in place.

  "You too. I like these surroundings a lot better", Morgan replied, making reference to their other meetings, outside the market on that fateful night, and later at the police station while she gave her statement.

  "Well, I’ll agree that we’ve got your average police station beat when it comes to atmosphere", she replied with a grin.

  "I’ll say. It really is something", Morgan said, taking another look around before turning back to her.

  "Have you ever been on one of the tours?"

  "No. I never seemed to find the time."

  "Shame on you. You really should make the time- especially around the holidays. The White House is a sight to behold during the holidays. I’ll tell you what- give me a call and I’ll arrange something. You can bring your family", Donna offered.

  "I don’t know…"

  "Really- I insist. Call it my way of saying ‘thank you’. Okay?"

  Morgan realized that she wasn’t just making some empty, polite gesture, and returning her smile, agreed to take her up on it sometime. His expression sobered however when he remembered the reason he had come. Donna seemed to sense the shift and began to brace herself for whatever he had come to tell her, and give her.

  "I went by the hospital earlier today to see Mark Lewis.", Morgan noticed that the name didn’t entirely register with her. On some level it did- but it was as if she was trying very hard on another level not to remember. "Doug’s younger brother. The one that got shot", Morgan added. He noticed that the clarification, while ending her confusion, visibly agitated her. She hid it well, but Morgan had spent too many years reading people not to notice Donna’s reaction. It made him wonder if what he was doing was such a good idea after all.

  "How’s he doing?" Donna asked, albeit grudgingly.

  "Better than I would have thought. He wouldn’t have made it at all, if not for you."

  "I don’t know about that…"

  "I do… and I think you know that too. Mark told me that you were the one to convince his brother to talk to me. He also told me how you did it", Morgan said, noticing the effect that last statement had on Donna. He had figured out who the ‘friend’ in the story was almost as soon as Mark told him about it. He had just started working in DC when the shooting in Roslyn occurred, and he remembered how badly Josh Lyman had been injured. It was clear from Donna’s demeanor though, that this was not a topic of conversation she wished to pursue. Her next words confirmed that.

  "Detective Morgan, I’m sorry- but I really do need to get back. You said there was something you needed to give me?" Donna was trying to hide it, but she knew the impatience she felt was coming through in her voice.

  "Yeah… As I said, Mark and I visited for a while and he asked me to bring you a letter he wrote. For you", Morgan said, pulling a rather thick envelope out of his vest pocket. Donna’s eyes grew wide at the sight of it. Morgan held it there, between them, watching Donna battle her fear and anxiety over such a benign thing, and couldn’t help but feel a little like a heel for springing it on her. He had promised the kid he would try though.

  "I hope you know that I wouldn’t have brought this to you if I thought there was anything in it to upset you. This kid, Mark- he genuinely feels bad about what happened in that market. I have similar letters addressed to the elderly couple, and to Sarah, and the Bartons. Yours and Mr. Barton’s were the thickest though. I haven’t read them, but-"

  "If you haven’t read them, how can you be sure of what they contain?" Donna interjected, her tone curt and chilly.

  "I talked to him for some time, Miss Moss. I pride myself on being a pretty good judge of people. You don’t last long in my line of work if you aren’t. I would bet the house that he wrote nothing in that letter with the intention of hurting you, or adding to what you’ve already been through.", Morgan watched as she absorbed what he said, and could tell his words had made some impact. Her body language was the biggest indicator. Her shoulders relaxed a little, and her features softened just a bit. Most of all, those very expressive eyes of hers lost that wary, defensive look. However, she still didn’t make a move to take the envelope from his hand.

  "You don’t have to accept it. I would understand completely, if you refused. But…I think it would help if you took it and just held onto it until you felt ready to read it. No pressure. You can always toss it in the wastebasket later." Morgan said the last with a shrug and a hint of a smile.

  Donna sighed and took the envelope from him. She looked down at the lopsided scrawl spelling out her name . Part of her felt like she had just taken possession of a ticking time bomb, but a small part of her- a very small part- was curious about what this young man felt so strongly about writing her - and in such detail.

  Donna looked up and noticed that Detective Morgan looked pleased, and a little relieved. Whether his relief had to do with her, or simply the completion of a bothersome task, she couldn’t tell. Deciding that it really didn’t matter, Donna reminded him to call her about arranging the tour, and after thanking him and telling him goodbye, returned to her desk.

  Josh was standing in the doorway of his office, absently flipping through some pages in a folder. Actually, he was using it as a ruse to keep a watch out for Donna. He had just noticed her walking into the bullpen when Sam came up to him.

  "Are you guarding your office for some reason?" Sam asked with a grin.

  "No. I… what do you want?" Josh asked impatiently, his eyes on Donna.

  "Nothing. Just passing by. Hey- that’s neat. I didn’t know you could do that", Sam said, leaning over to look at the contents of the folder Josh held.

  "Do what?" Josh asked, sparing him a brief, puzzled glance.

  "Read upside down", Sam replied with a teasing smirk. His expression sobered however when he saw what had Josh so distracted.

  "How’s she doing?" Sam asked, nodding slightly in Donna’s direction.

  "She…she’s fine , Sam."

  Sam looked from Josh to Donna, then back again. He didn’t buy Josh’s lie anymore than Cammie had bought Donna’s, but he also knew that pushing for the truth would be neither productive nor helpful at the moment.

 Sam looked back at Donna. She had stopped at the desk of  a new staff member and was chatting with her. She had a pleasant smile on her face and, to the casual observer, looked like someone without a care in the world. Sam wondered just how much that smile was covering. After a moment, she walked over to where Sam and Josh stood, on either side of his office door. She stopped in front of them and arms folded in front of her, gave them both a pointed look.

  "Okay guys, what’s up? Are you two playing palace guard, or testing the strength of the door frame?"

  "What? I’m just standing here…waiting for you to get back, so you can get me the…thing I needed for- uhmmm… I forgot", Josh answered with a sheepish look.

  "I was just passing by", Sam answered, a tad too defensively.

   Donna rolled her eyes and shook her head in disgust, "You two are the lousiest liars in politics."

  Sam and Josh exchanged guilty looks and Sam made his exit with the tried and true excuse of, "I have to work now."

  Josh remained where he was, continuing to watch as Donna went through some things on her desk. Finally he made his decision and said, "Donna, can you come in here for a minute?"

  Not waiting for a response, he walked into his office. A moment later, Donna appeared in the doorway.

   "Whatcha’ need, Josh?"

  "Come on in- and shut the door."

  Donna did as he asked and sat down in the visitor’s chair.

   "So… what did Morgan want?" he tried to ask as casually as possible. He didn’t think Donna would buy the act, but he figured it was worth a try.

  "I already told you- he wanted to give me something," Donna replied, matching his casual tone.

   "You’re really going to make me do the twenty questions thing, aren’t you", Josh asked, abandoning any attempt at being coy or subtle. At any other time, Donna might have been amused at his attempt at subterfuge, now it just annoyed her.

  "If you want to know so bad, why don’t you just come straight out and ask? Why resort to all this cloak and dagger? And while we’re at it- what’s with that sentry routine? I can’t leave my desk for five minutes without you going on high-alert?" Donna had abandoned her chair, and was at that moment leaning over his desk with fire in her eyes. Josh knew he shouldn’t have said the first thing that came into his mind. He should have remembered Stanley’s cautions about patience and understanding. Unfortunately, those thoughts didn’t enter his head until after the words were out of his mouth.

   "I was resorting to the ‘cloak and dagger’ , as you put it, because lately that’s the only way I can get anything approaching a straight answer from you! You are constantly shielding me from how you feel, and what’s bothering you. I thought we were in this together, Donna. Wasn’t that what we talked about that when we got out of there that night? I’m sick and tired of you shutting me out!"

  "Well, good for you! Now you know how it feels!" Donna shouted back. Almost as soon as the words were out of her mouth she was filled with the desire to snatch them back. Her eyes filled with tears at the thought of what she’d just said to Josh. She made it sound like what had been going on between them was not much more than payback for the way he had been toward her last Christmas.

  For a long awful moment, neither of them spoke or moved. It took the sight of tears falling from Donna’s eyes to prompt Josh into action. He rounded his desk and had Donna in his arms before she could do or say a thing. For a while he just stood there, holding her, stroking her back, and wishing that he could be better at this.

  After a few moments, he realized Donna was trying to say something , but the words were being muffled because he was holding her so closely. Loosening his hold a bit, he looked down.

  "What was that? I couldn’t understand.."

  "I said… I didn’t mean that… not the way it sounded… like I was…" Donna trailed off, her head still buried in Josh’s chest. She wouldn’t look him in the eyes, and he couldn’t let that go on. With two fingers tucked under her chin, he tilted her head back, so she was given no other choice but to look into his eyes.

  "Like you were giving me a taste of my own medicine?" he finished for her.

  "Yes.. I mean no. Josh…" Donna started, and Josh silenced her momentarily with a finger across her lips.

  "I know that’s not what you meant- but it’s true , all the same", Josh replied, with a hint of a smile.

  "I’ve been that bad?" Donna asked, her brows furrowed in concern.

  Josh couldn’t help but laugh a little over that.

  "No… compared to me, you’ve been a day at the beach. But- I did mean what I said about you shutting me out, and trying to protect me. You really need to work on that."

  Donna didn’t say anything right away, and Josh noticed, not for the first time that day, that she looked weary. Not tired, in the normal everyday sense- but weary, like her spirit was worn down by everything she’d been dealing with.

  "I’ll tell you what… why don’t I see what I can do to make sure we get out of here extra early, and we’ll go back to my place and relax and talk…or whatever. Just take a break from things for a little while."

  The idea sounded like a slice of heaven to her. She would love to indulge in a little peace and quiet in Josh’s arms, but the assistant part of her brain chose that moment to reappear.

  "Leo’s going to fire us both for being slackers if we keep this up."

  "I seriously doubt that. If they paid us by the hour around here, the country would already be spiraling into bankruptcy", Josh joked, in the hopes of getting her to fall in with what he considered a very sound plan.

  "I don’t know about that, but if Leo’s okay with it, I’ll do what I can to get us out of here as soon as humanly possible", Donna offered, stepping out of Josh’s embrace and wiping the last vestige of tears from her face.

  "Don’t worry about a thing. I’ll work it out with Leo." Josh said walking over to his desk. Donna was about to walk out to hers and get Josh’s appointment book, when she turned back to him and taking a deep breath, said, "By the way, in the interest of sharing- the reason Detective Morgan came by was to bring me a letter. It seems Mark Lewis had some things he wanted to share with me."

  "Mark Lewis?" Josh asked.

  "Yeah… it didn’t hit me at first either. The kid from the store- Doug’s brother. The one who got shot."

  Donna watched Josh’s face as he absorbed this information. It was obvious he hadn’t expected to hear something like that.

  "Anyway…I thought you’d want to know."

  "Have you read it?" Josh asked, his voice not much above a whisper.

  "No… not yet."

  "Are you going to? I mean- you don’t have to.."

  "I’m not sure yet. We can talk about it later, okay?"

  "Sure."

  With that, Donna left his office, shutting the door softly behind her. Josh just stood there for the longest moment. Finally, making a decision, he picked up the phone and made the first of two very important calls.

* * *

  Donna curled up on the corner of Josh’s sofa, the remote in her hand, randomly flipping through the channels while he was in the kitchen getting the wine. They had called for Chinese take-out, and planned to spend a nice, quiet evening doing nothing more emotionally demanding than watching an old movie.

 There was one minor wrinkle in that plan though- the letter. She hadn’t so much as looked at it since Detective Morgan had given it to her. Upon returning to her desk, she had promptly dropped it in her purse and tried her best to forget it’s existence. Her best, it turned out, hadn’t been very good.

 The fact that it was right there, within reach, kept creeping back into her mind. Then there was the fact that she knew Josh was overwhelmed with curiosity about what it contained. She knew it wasn’t merely for the sake of curiosity that he wanted to know what Mark had written. He was worried about the effect it would have on her. Once again, she was reminded of the seemingly never-ending merry-go-round of fear, worry, anger and frustration they had been riding for nearly a week. Not that she could forget for long…

  Josh came back into the living room, the bottle and glasses in his hand. He hesitated for the briefest moment when he saw the expression on Donna’s face. He knew that look, and it didn’t bode well. Taking his place next to her, he poured them both a glass of wine, handing Donna hers. She took it, barely glancing in his direction, and after taking a sip, set it on the table in front of them. To say that she was distracted was a gross understatement. Deciding to take the bull by the horns, Josh brushed his fingertips across Donna’s furrowed brow, getting her attention.

  "For someone who’s supposed to be relaxing, you don’t look very relaxed."

  "Yeah, well…that switch is getting harder and harder to flip", Donna replied grimly, once again turning her attention to the television.

 Josh wasn’t about to put off that easily. He knew avoidance techniques when he saw them.

  "I don’t want you to flip some switch and paste on a fake smile for my benefit. I want you to actually be able to relax. But…it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen. So, I propose a new plan", Josh said, not missing the wary glance she gave him.

  "What?"

  "I propose that we talk about it. Everything. All that stuff that we just barely scratched the surface of in the office today."

  "Josh- I really don’t feel like thrashing through all of that again. I’m tired of it-"

  "You’re tired of feeling like you do, and I don’t blame you. But the only way that’s going to change is by getting it all out", Josh interjected, somewhat impatiently.

  Donna shot him a look brimming with annoyance and it was on the tip of her tongue to tell him that he had no idea how to help her- but the thing was, she knew he did.

  Josh watched her, noting every stiff and combative nuance of her posture. He wondered how on earth Donna had ever put up with him when he was like this, and he had been so very much worse. It really made him marvel once again at her patience. Not even a year ago she had been on the other side of this dynamic. Last year… Suddenly an idea hit him.

  "I’ve got a story for you-" he started out casually. "There’s this guy, and he’s walking along. All of the sudden, he falls into this hole…" He goes on to tell her the story that Leo had told him last Christmas Eve. He watched as her expression changed from surprise, to confusion, and finally to understanding. When he was finished, Josh took her hand and kissed her lightly on the lips. Looking deeply into her eyes, he said, "I really am right there with you. Every step of the way. So, don’t you think it’s time you let me help you find the way out."

Donna threw her hands up, sighing in defeat.

  "Now I know why they call you the ‘President’s pit-bull’. Once you get something in your teeth you don’t let go until you have your way", Donna muttered.

  "I prefer to think of myself as charmingly persuasive", Josh replied, undeterred.

 "Whatever."

 "So…will you let me help?" Josh asked, having no shame about using ‘the eyes’ on her. He knew that she wasn’t as immune to the ‘big pleading puppy eyes’, (as his mother referred to them) as she would like to pretend. Just like she knew the effect that pout of hers had on him. As much as she tried to resist, he saw her give the defensive ground she was valiantly trying to hold.

  "Josh…I know you want to help, but…" Donna trailed off, looking away from him again.

  "But there are things that you don’t feel comfortable discussing with me. For whatever reason. You need to talk to someone that won’t judge, or get angry. Someone that you won’t have to mince words with, because you’re worried that something you say will make them revisit a time and place they’d rather forget.  You need to be able to yell in anger, and cry, and just plain unload freely. You need an impartial, uninvolved ear. Right?" Josh offered, noting that sometime during his comments, Donna had raised her eyes to meet his. She had a dozen emotions swirling behind those tired eyes, but the most prevalent was relief. Relief that he understood. She watched as he reached behind him to his suit jacket that was draped over the back of the sofa.  Reaching into the inside breast pocket, he pulled out a business card and handed it to her. She took it, and looked at the names on both sides of the card. She recognized one of the names, the other was unfamiliar to her. Donna shot him a questioning look.

  "Yeah… I saw Stanley today. That’s where I was when you were looking for me this afternoon."

  "You talked to Stanley about me?"

  "Yeah. Mostly to make sure I wasn’t making things worse. I didn’t know what else to do… I’m sorry, if you feel like I…"

  "Went behind my back? Betrayed my trust?" Donna finished for him this time. "Don’t worry about it, Josh. I felt the same way when I went to Leo last year. I figured you’d be really pissed at me, but I knew it was worth it to take the risk. You were worth it."

  "You were right. You were right to go to Leo then, I mean. So… are you pissed that I went to Stanley?"

  "No. You want to tell me who the name on the other side of this card belongs to?"

  "It’s a therapist that Stanley recommended."

  "For me?"

  "Yeah."

  "Okay."

  "Is that , ‘okay, I’ll make an appointment’ , or just ‘okay’?"

  "I think you need to see Stanley, and discuss some of your control issues."

  "You first", Josh bantered back with a grin.

  "Okay, fine. You made your point. I’ll call and make an appointment", Donna said with a sigh.

  "Thank you."

  Donna curled into Josh, resting her head on his chest. She had to admit, making the decision to do something had made things a little more manageable in her mind. It was probably on the same level as having a horrible toothache. The minute you make the dentist appointment, the tooth starts to feel better. It was sort of like your body rewarding you for making the right decision. There was one thing that puzzled her though…

  "Josh, did you talk to Cammie today?"

  "Cammie?"

  "Yes, Cammie. My other roommate before you. You know, the one I used to spend all my non-working hours with- such as they were. Cammie", Donna said, giving Josh a ‘don’t play dumb’ look.

  "Uhh… yeah, she did call me, come to think of it."

  Donna sat up and looked long and hard into his eyes.

  "Josh, I meant what I said earlier- you’re a lousy liar- even when you‘re only telling half a lie. Did she tell you what happened at the café?"

  "Yeah."

  "I thought so. Is that what sent you running to Stanley?"

  "It was one of many things. I really was afraid I wasn’t doing the right thing for you. I just…" Josh trailed off when Donna put a finger on his lips, then followed it with a kiss.

  "It’s okay. I know why."

  With that, she settled back into his arms, letting herself absorb the warmth and comfort he offered so freely to her. They stayed like that, not talking much, until the food arrived. They ate and watched Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman plot to catch Claude Raines in "Notorious". Josh teased Donna about spending more time ’oohing and ahhing’ over Ingrid Bergman’s wardrobe, than paying attention to the story. She said Cary Grant wasn’t very smart for a spy, since he couldn’t even figure out that Ingrid Bergman was in love with him, and being poisoned, until it was almost too late.

  All in all, Josh had accomplished what he’d set out to do- give Donna and himself a nice, relaxing evening. When the movie was finished, he and Donna went to bed. He was fairly sure that she had left all thoughts of the letter, and everything related to it behind by the time they closed his bedroom door. He was positive when he felt her steady, even breath against his chest as she slept. His last thought before he drifted off to sleep was, the wish that everything he wanted for her could be accomplished so easily.

* * *

    Josh and Donna sat in his office Friday morning going over his schedule. Thankfully, it looked like it was going to be a light day. Of course, they both knew that could change at the drop of a hat. Josh was about to head to the senior staff meeting when Donna stopped him.

  "I made the call."

  "The guy?" Josh asked, referring to the name Stanley had given them.

  "Yeah…only the guy is a woman."

  "A woman?"

  "Yes, Josh. A woman. Women can be doctors, you know. The Surgeon General happens to be one", Donna replied with a look that signified his latent caveman tendencies were showing.

  "I know that. I was just surprised. I mean the name kind of leads you to assume…"

  "Yeah. Turns out Dr. M. Lee Shannon is actually a woman. You want to hear something else freaky?"

  "Always", he replied with a grin.

  "The M stands for Madison."

  "Hmm… that is kind of freaky. She isn’t actually from Madison, Wisconsin is she?"

  "No. I think that would have been a bit too much for me. She’s from Virginia. University of Virginia, Medical College of Virginia, John’s Hopkins. She looks pretty good on paper."

  "Harvard or Yale would have made me feel better", Josh replied with a smirk.

  "Snob", Donna rebuked.

  "Let’s just say selective. By the way- and I know this is a stupid question, considering who I’m talking to- but how did you find all this out?"

  "AMA database, of course," Donna said, giving him one of those, ’are you stupid?’ looks that Leo was so famous for.

  "Of course, how silly of me", Josh replied with a grin. Trust Donna not to go into any situation without first being armed with information.

  "So, you said you called? Did you get an appointment?" Josh asked, getting back to the original point.

  "Yeah. I expected sometime next week or something. But she can see me today", Donna replied, looking not altogether sure she was happy about that development.

  "What time?"

  "This afternoon. At one o’clock."

  Josh couldn’t help but notice that she seemed to be secretly hoping for some sort of crisis that would keep her in the White House, and prevent her from keeping the appointment. Josh never thought the things he  had been through would end up being helpful in life. But in this case, they were.

  "That’s fine. Today’s pretty light, all things considered. If you want, I can go with you- take you there, I mean", Josh offered.

  Donna looked at Josh, and for a second, she was tempted to say yes. Finally, she made her decision, knowing in her heart it was right.

  "No, that’s okay. It’s sweet of you to offer, but I’ll be okay."

  "Okay… if you change your mind…"

  "Yeah, I know. Josh?"

  "Yeah?"

  "Thanks."

  "You bet", he said with a smile.

  "You have staff now", she said over her shoulder as she walked back to her desk.   
  
  Donna stood outside the Georgetown office of Dr. M. Lee Shannon, battling a last minute attack of cowardice. She thought that maybe she should have let Josh bring her, after all. At the very least, he could have prodded her through the door. ‘No’, she thought, ‘I have to make this part of the journey alone’.

  Taking a deep breath she pushed the button, next to the door. A voice came over the intercom, "Yes, can I help you?"

 ‘I certainly hope so’, Donna thought.

 "I’m Donna Moss. I have an appointment."

 "Oh… okay. Come on up."

  Donna opened the door and walked up the steps. Dr. Shannon’s office was on the second floor, and Donna entered it with nervous determination.

  Her first sight of Dr. Shannon was something of a shock. The first thought that came into her mind was that she was a female version of Josh. She was tall, with dark, curly brown hair. She was dressed casually, in jeans and a hunter green sweater. Her hair was pulled away from her face in a French braid, but the severity of the style was softened by all the riotous curls that refused to be subdued. As Donna stood there, the doctor searched around on a desk that closely resembled Josh’s on one his more disorganized days. Finally noticing that Donna was there, Dr. Shannon abandoned her search and greeted her with a  warm and slightly apologetic smile.

  "Hi, I’m Dr. Shannon, Donna."

  They shook hands and Dr. Shannon invited Donna to take a seat. Donna took a look around as she walked farther into the room. It was nothing like she had imagined it to be. It was neither overly formal nor overly cheery. It had been her experience that professionals, especially doctors, tended to go to one extreme or the other. Dr. Shannon’s office was, for lack of a better word, eclectic. There was a large chocolate brown sofa at one end of the room. It was book ended by two low end tables topped by Tiffany lamps. The center of the room was open, and Donna took note of the large oriental rug, with it’s elaborately beautiful rose pattern. On the side of the room nearest the doctor’s desk were several wide, comfortable looking armchairs positioned in a slightly semi-circular fashion. From there, Donna took note of the art that covered the walls. There were two prints that Donna recognized from her art classes as Klimpts. One of them, "The Kiss", had always been one of her favorites. The other was simply titled, "Woman", which she also liked. There were some others she recognized as well, and they were mixed in with some framed photographs. One in particular caught Donna’s eye, and she walked over to get a closer look.

  "That’s Galway. In Ireland", Dr. Shannon said from behind her.

  As if she had just been reminded that she wasn’t alone, Donna turned, a slightly guilty expression on her face.

  "This is an amazing room", Donna stated.

  "Thank you. It’s a little disorganized. I’m one of those people that can never decide on a decorating style. I just throw things together"

  "That is a style, though- eclectic, I believe."

  "Hmm.. Yes. I suppose that always struck me as a rationalization for being unable to make a decision", Dr. Shannon replied with a grin.

  "I suppose you’re right", Donna agreed, returning the doctor’s smile with a small one of her own. Donna took a seat in one of the wide armchairs, Dr. Shannon sitting in the one next to her.

  "Before we begin, I want to tell you a little about how I do things."

  "Okay", Donna replied softly.

  "First of all- I always refer to my first session as a ’getting to know each other’ session. I don’t expect you to walk in here and immediately feel you can trust me. That will come, in the course of our conversations. For now, I want to know if you have any particular questions or concerns involving your time here?"

  Donna, like a child called on unexpectedly in class, grew a little wide-eyed. All the questions that had been swirling around in her head on the way over, suddenly slipped away. Noting her expression, the doctor touched her hand and with a reassuring smile, said, "Relax, Donna. This isn’t a test. Just whatever comes to mind. The first thing off the top of your head."

  Donna thought for a minute than asked, "What do I call you?"

  "Well, you can call me Madison, or Dr. Shannon, if that makes you feel more comfortable. It’s entirely up to you."

  "Madison, I think It feels a little less like…" Donna trailed off, looking a little uncomfortable.

  "A little less like you’re seeing a therapist and more like you’re just talking to someone?"

  "Yeah. I suppose", Donna said, looking a little relieved that the doctor didn’t seem to take offense at that.

  "That’s fine. A lot of people feel the same way. Anything else?"

  "Not really. Maybe later."

  Madison said that was fine, and assured Donna to feel free to ask her any questions, or voice any concerns she had as they came to her. She went on to tell her that she conducted both private and group sessions, and Donna could decide later if she wanted to join in the group sessions. When Donna asked about how often she would be seeing her, Madison told her that she liked to start out with twice weekly sessions, but they could adapt that schedule as time went on. She also assured Donna that given her knowledge of where Donna worked, she would be willing to make occasional scheduling allowances for her.

  "I appreciate that", Donna said, although she wondered how Madison knew that. Almost as soon as the question popped into her head, she had the answer. Stanley. He had apparently done a little advance work. That also explained her getting an appointment with such ease and speed. She wondered if Josh had asked him to smooth things along for her, then decided it really didn’t matter. She was here. What she did from this point was between her and the doctor.

  "So, do feel you could work with me?" Madison asked, leaning back in her chair, regarding Donna with warm, patient brown eyes.

  Donna didn’t say anything at first, but something in her responded to the way Madison had phrased the question. She didn’t ask, ‘do you think I can help you?’ . She made Donna a part of her recovery. She made her feel as though she was just as much a part of working through this as Madison was. An active part. Another thought hit her just then, and with an amused look, she turned away from her own thoughts and gave Madison her attention.

  "You want to know something funny?"

  "Sure", Madison replied, not at all put off that Donna wasn’t answering her question.

  "Your first name is Madison."

  "Yeah…I don’t get the joke."

  "I’m from Madison… Wisconsin. One of fate’s little ironies, huh?"

  Madison chuckled, and nodding said, "Yeah. They do have a way of happening, don’t they?"

  "They certainly do… and yes- to answer your question- I think we can work together. In fact , I feel really good about it."

 

  Having reached an agreement, they spent the remainder of Donna’s first session with her giving Madison background information. Essentially, they touched on her life before coming to DC, and things that had occurred since then. They didn’t linger on any one topic, but Madison could tell that Donna’s relationship with Josh, and what had happened to him would certainly factor into their conversations.

  By the time their time together came to a close, Donna was feeling a great deal more relaxed than when she had arrived. Before she left Madison’s office, they had made arrangements for her next two appointments.

  "By the way, if you don’t mind me asking- what were you looking so intently for when I got here?"

  "Oh- that. My glasses. I’m always misplacing them", Madison replied, with a shrug.

 Donna tried not to laugh, but she just couldn’t help herself. With a muffled chuckle, she pointed to the top of Madison’s head. Rolling her eyes in exasperation, Madison’s laughter joined Donna’s.

  "Figures. That’s usually where they end up. Thanks, Donna."

  "You’re welcome, Madison."

  Donna was still smiling when she returned to work. She poked her head into Josh’s office to let him know she was back, and almost laughed out loud. He was engaged in the same activity that Madison had been engaged in when she had walked in on her. He was searching fruitlessly for something on his desk, and, if possible, making an even bigger mess. Hearing her laughter, Josh looked up from his search, smiling himself at her amusement.

  "Hey- you’re back."

  "Yes- and apparently, just in the nick of time."

  "Oh… well, I’m working out a new filing system. There are a few kinks that need to be worked out."

  "Uh-huh… here’s a thought- How about putting things away in their proper place", Donna offered.

  "Where’s the fun in that?" Josh rejoined, with a grin.

  "None for you, apparently. Lots for me- but I’ve learned to live with it", Donna replied, coming into the office and sitting down in the visitor’s chair.

    "So, how did the meeting with the non- ivy league doctor go?"

  "Well, despite your elitist opinions, she seems very qualified, and I think we’ll be able to work really well together."

  "Once again, I’m neither snobbish nor elitist. Selective is the word you keep missing. I’m glad you and the doctor of the funny name hit it off though. You set up a schedule?"

  "Yes, Mr. Mock Everything and Everybody, we did. Anything else you’d like to know?"

  "Yeah."

  "What?"

  "Can you tell me where the folder with the education initiative stuff is?" Josh asked, making full use of the puppy eyes.

   "Don’t they teach you ivy-league boys how to read?"

  "What’s that supposed to mean?" Josh asked.

  Rolling her eyes, Donna leaned across the desk, and tapped the folder that was directly under his nose.

  "Hey- how’d that get there?" Josh asked, genuinely surprised to see it there.

  Laughing , Donna got up and informed him that he had a two-thirty appointment on the Hill that he was about to be late for. Grabbing the file and stuffing it into his backpack, he picked up his coat and caught up to her at the door. Stopping for just a second, he took her hand in his and said, "I really am glad that things went well."

  "I know. Me too."

  Donna watched him leave, and with a sigh, walked back inside to restore some order to the mess that was Josh Lyman’s office. If only all things could be taken care of so easily.

* * *

 As the last days of October faded away, and the impending holiday season started to kick into high gear, life was busier than usual for Josh and Donna. Josh was doing his best to get certain things accomplished before congressmen and senators began to scatter to the four winds for the holiday break. Of course, whenever Josh was that busy, Donna’s workload increased proportionately. Donna was also feeling a certain amount of pressure from her family about coming home for the holidays. She and Josh had talked about it, and Josh knew she was torn between family obligation, and doing what she wanted to do. At present, she really didn’t want to be away from Josh. Of course, neither of them really wanted to be in DC over the season either. That, in itself, was creating unneeded problems for them.

  Donna left for her appointment with Dr. Lee, or Madison, as she had grown used to calling her, with a distinct feeling of relief. It was nice to be away from the constant, frantic pace of the White House for a while. She purposely parked a few blocks away so she could enjoy the brisk late November afternoon, and take in the sights and smells of the quiet Georgetown neighborhood. It seemed so odd, that this kind of peaceful atmosphere could exist so close to the constant hustle and bustle of the nation’s capitol. It was like the eye of calm in the middle of a storm. Lately, it seemed as though she could use a few more places and moments that provided the calm she was getting from this quiet street. It wasn’t just the pressures of work- she had grown oddly used to that over the years. It was other things- things that she didn’t want to deal with, that seemed to be encroaching on her with increasing insistence. For example, her family’s constant pleas for her to visit over the coming holidays. A part of her understood why they were making a bigger issue of it now than they had made the past few years. It all came back to that Sunday afternoon in Barton’s Market. That and the all-mighty, ever-present ‘what if’. What if things hadn’t  worked out that night in the Market? What if she hadn’t been able to talk sense into the mind of that scared, angry young man? What if Mr. Barton hadn’t pulled his gun? What if Mark had died before they could get him out of there? What if…what if… It was a never ending litany of supposition- and it was pointless. That was the awful part. Donna knew how pointless it was to go back in her mind and ponder the ‘could haves’ and ‘what ifs’.

She had done the same thing when Josh was shot. It was all so pointless.

  Donna looked up to realize she was standing in front of Dr. Lee’s building, and was glad she had reached her destination. Suddenly the quiet beauty of her surroundings had lost their allure.

  Madison took one look at Donna as she walked into her office and knew they had their work cut out for them. Once they had gotten comfortable, Madison asked Donna if there was anything in particular she wanted to address.

  "Yes…No… I don’t know", Donna sighed and, sliding down into the sofa, covered her face with her hands.

  "Would it be a reach to say that your plate is feeling a little extra full today?" Madison asked.

  "No. I would say that’s a fairly accurate analysis of the situation," Donna replied, letting her hands fall to her side and looking at Madison with a tired smile.

  "Well, let’s see what we can do about clearing the plate a little. One bite at a time, so to speak."

  Donna began by telling Madison about her family and their constant pleas to come home, and her knowledge that it was really about them wanting the physical assurance that she was fine. From there, she went on to tell her about her conflicting feelings concerning Josh. She wanted to be with him, but then again she didn’t. She still felt his concern for her as overwhelming at times, and despite his attempts to hide it- she felt a certain amount of guilt from him. Above all, Madison heard Donna’s frustration at being unable to satisfy everyone’s needs and alleviate their concerns. In short, she felt trapped.

  Madison didn’t say anything for a few moments, and when she did, it was to ask Donna a question.

  "Donna, when you first came to see me, was it because you were doing what someone else wanted you to do, or because you felt you needed the help?"

  "Well… Josh suggested it, but I made the appointment and kept it because I felt I needed it", Donna replied, looking a little confused by Madison’s question.

  "That’s what I thought. So you recognize the need for you to do what’s best for you- above anyone else’s wants or desires- right?"

  "Yes."

 "Okay- now , with that understood, I’d like to make a suggestion. One that I think may help."

  "I’m listening."

  "I have a cottage in Hatteras Village in North Carolina. It’s right on the beach, and it’s quiet and comfortable. I usually go down there during the winter months for the  peace and quiet, and to do a little winter beach combing, but I rarely use it during the holidays. I’d like you to use it."

  "Madison… I don’t know. It’s awfully nice of you but…"

 "Don’t be silly. I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t think it was the perfect thing for you. Think of it as a therapeutic field trip- a place where you can escape all the pressures you’re feeling, and give yourself time and space to put some order to everything."

  "Do you usually suggest that your patients run away somewhere to escape their problems?" Donna asked, her tone a little sharp. Madison wasn’t deterred by her tart attitude though, and replied with her patented unflappable calm.

 "No- but everyone needs a place where they can go that makes no demands on them- an eye in the midst of their personal storm. Sometimes we need that place in order to deal with our problems. We all need that sort of peace to achieve clarity at times. You are, by no means, required to go- but I think it would be very helpful, if you did choose to."

  Donna didn’t say anything for a long moment, but Madison knew she was seriously considering the offer. Finally Donna asked.

  "You’re saying I should go alone?"

  "I think it would be good to have a few days to yourself, at the very least- but the whole time? No- not necessarily- unless you would rather have it that way."

  "Alright… in that case. I think I’ll take you up on your offer. Can I ask you something, though?"

  "Certainly."

  "What makes this place so special?" Donna asked, truly curious.

  "Well, I can only tell you what makes it special to me. You’ll have to form your own impressions. To me, it’s the enduring sense of peace and calm there, especially in contrast to the occasional fury and constant strength of the ocean. It’s a feeling of being insulated from the world, without really being isolated from it. Plus, I have immense respect for the quiet strength of the place. It touched something in me the first time I visited there. That’s the best way I can explain it."

  "I think I understand, and I’m very grateful that you’re willing to share someplace so special with me."

  "That’s what it’s there for", Madison replied with a smile. "Now, if you’ll allow me one more suggestion, if I were you I’d fly down to Norfolk, then get a rental car and drive the rest of the way. It’s about a two hour drive from there, but the scenery is beautiful- even this late in the year."

  "That sounds like a good plan. I hope everyone understands my decision to go off by myself", Donna said, sounding somewhat doubtful.

  "They will. If not now, then they will later. Remember Donna, it’s okay to be selfish once in awhile."

  "I’ll try to remember that", Donna replied with a sheepish grin.

  By the time they had finished their session for the day, Donna had the keys and directions to Madison’s cottage and her resolve was firm that this trip was the best possible course of action. She just hoped that Madison was right about the curative powers of the place. It amused Donna that Madison had used the same eye in the storm metaphor that she had been thinking of earlier. Maybe that meant that this getaway to Madison’s retreat was meant to be.

  By the time Donna returned to work, Josh was in the first of four meetings that would keep him occupied for the majority of the afternoon. After a quick look through their combined and separate schedules for the next few weeks, Donna had more or less pinned down the earliest possible date that she could get out of town. She could take a flight out on the twenty-first of December. She searched Orbitz and a few other sites before she found a flight out on that date at a reasonable rate, and before she could change her mind, she booked it. If the flight arrived in Norfolk on time, and Madison was correct about the time it would take to get from there to Hatteras, then she should arrive sometime around noon or a little after.

  With her travel arrangements taken care of, Donna began to consider how best to tell Josh that her plans for the holidays had changed. She knew he wouldn’t be happy about it and hoped he would understand. She didn’t expect quite the same level of understanding from her family, but they would deal with it. It’s not like she was giving any of them much say in the matter. While a small part of her felt petty and selfish, a larger, more important part felt an exhilarating freedom from taking charge and doing only want she wanted- what she needed.

  Donna was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t notice CJ walk over and stop at her desk.

  "Hey… I bet you’re thinking about what to get me for Christmas- aren’t you?" CJ asked with a teasing grin.

  "What can I say? You caught me", Donna replied with a grin of her own and then said, "I hope you’re not looking for Josh. He’s in meetings all afternoon."

 "No…not really. You’re the person I really should talk to anyway. I’m having a little get together at my place on Christmas Eve, and wanted you and Josh to come by if you didn’t have any other plans", CJ said, noticing the printout with the flight times from the Orbitz site lying on the corner of Donna’s desk. Donna hesitated, not wanting to lie to CJ, but also not wanting to share her plans until she had a chance to tell Josh.

  "I’m not sure, CJ…Can I let you know later?"

  "Sure. No problem. Consider it an open invitation", CJ replied, not letting on that she had noticed Donna’s travel arrangements.

  "Thanks, I’ll let Josh know."

 

  It was almost six before Josh returned from his meetings and from the look on his face and the way he carried himself, things had not gone well. ‘Oh goody’, Donna thought. She hadn’t relished the thought of telling Josh about her plans, but telling a grumpy, dissatisfied, irritated Josh was something else all together. Sighing, she got up and followed him into his office.

  "Things not go too well?" she asked, although his expression was answer enough.

  "No…I swear, I think that every republican on the Hill made a list of ways to screw this administration as part of their holiday ritual", Josh replied, wiping a hand wearily over his face.

  "That bad, huh?"

  "No, not really- it just feels that way at the moment. I don’t want to talk about it right now. How’d it go with the doc?"

  "Good. In fact I need to talk to you about that."

  Just then, Josh’s phone rang, and with an irritated sigh, Donna reached over to pick it up.

   "Josh Lyman’s office….yes…okay, I’ll tell him", Donna put the phone down and turned back to Josh.

  "Leo needs to see you right away."

  "Great! I can just guess what this is about."

  "Problem?"

  "Yeah…look, I’ve got to go take care of this, then we’ll talk about the thing with the doc- okay?" Josh said. At Donna’s nod he was out the door, and she couldn’t help but wonder if she was frustrated or relieved at the delay.

   An hour later, Josh returned to his office to find Donna sitting in his chair waiting for him. She had ordered Chinese food and the cartons sat on his desk unopened, while she sat looking out his window into the dark and clear night.

  "Hey…you didn’t have to wait for me to eat", he said, walking around the desk to where she sat and kneeling down in front of her. "Everything okay?"

  "Yeah… I need to tell you something and I don’t think you’re going to be too happy about it."

  "What is it? What’s wrong, Donna?" Josh asked, the concern in his voice clear.

  "It’s about our plans for the holidays…I need to do something, and it’s going to be hard for both of us, but…"

  "Look, Donna- if you really need to go home for the holidays, I understand. I understand family. I don’t have much of it, but I do understand. I’m not going to pretend that I’m looking forward to being without you- but I understand."

  "I’m glad you understand- really. But I’m not going to Madison. I’m going somewhere else", Donna said in a rush.

  "Where?" Josh asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

  Donna told Josh about the offer Madison had made, and that she had agreed. She went on to tell him about the travel arrangements she had made, then sat back to wait for his reaction.

  "You’re going alone?" He asked, again in that quiet, careful tone.

  "Yeah…. I was thinking you could come down for a few days before I leave, maybe", Donna replied, trying to soften the idea of them being apart at such an important time of the year.

  "Yeah, I suppose… are you sure this is something you want to do?"

  "Want to do? I’m not sure. Need to do? Yes. Yes, I need to do this. For me- maybe even in the long run, for us. Are you okay with this?"

  At first Josh didn’t say anything, then finally he stood in front of her and pulled her into his arms.

   "I love you, and if this is what you need right now then that’s all that matters."

  "Are you sure?" Donna asked, leaning away from him a little and regarding him with a somewhat doubtful expression.

  "Yes. Now, come on- let’s eat before everything gets cold. What’d you get, anyway?"

  While Donna listed off the contents of the assorted cartons, Josh just looked at her. As he watched her, he wished- not for the first time- that he could fix everything for her. He so wanted to be able to take care of her the way she always took care of him, but he knew, in this instance, that being cared for wasn’t exactly what she needed. That knowledge did little to diminish the desire though.

* * *

  It was a week to the day before Donna was scheduled to leave and although they had discussed it at some length the night that Donna told Josh about her plans, they hadn’t discussed it since. Josh knew Donna’s mind was set on going and he didn’t want to add to any anxiety she felt, but he couldn’t help dreading the upcoming holiday break. It was a hard time for both of them, but they knew it was something they would just have to get through. As much as they tried to keep their problems away from work, their friends were far too conscientious to be fooled. CJ was the first one to voice her concern.

  Josh was sitting at his desk, trying to focus on the briefing memo in front of him, (and failing miserably, by the way) when CJ walked into his office.

  "Joshua, my friend…how’s it going?"

  "Fine. What do you need?" he asked, the impatience in his voice glaringly apparent.

  "Well, I was just coming by to say hello, and ask you about my invitation, but now I’m thinking you need someone to talk to", CJ replied, taking a seat in the visitor’s chair without waiting to be asked. Josh shot her an annoyed look, which CJ ignored. Everything about her body language and expression indicated that CJ was willing to wait as long as it took for Josh to open up.

 "I’m fine, CJ. Besides- don’t you have work to do?"

 "Eventually- but I’m not doing it right now. Right now I’m waiting to hear what’s going on with you and Donna", she said, giving Josh a pointed look. Josh was well acquainted with that look. It was the look that said- ‘don’t bother trying to give me a line of bull, I’m on to you already’.

  "It’s nothing really. She’s going away for the holidays, and I’m not really looking forward to it."

  "Is that all? Don’t be such a stick in the mud, Josh. It will do you good to get out…wait a minute- she’s going away? Not you? How come?" CJ asked, sitting back in the chair, her expression a mixture of confusion and concern.

  Josh told her about Madison’s idea and her offer of the beach house, and that Donna had decided to take her up on it.

  "She’s leaving on the twenty-first", Josh said, sounding as depressed as he looked.

CJ sat there for a moment without saying anything, then finally she asked, "Is this about her going away, or is this about her doing what she needs to do without you?"

  "Honestly CJ, I don’t know. I know I’ll miss her, but I’m not sure that’s all it is. I know she needs to do this… I just don’t understand why I can’t be there for her. She was always there for me."

  CJ watched as Josh leaned back in his chair and turned a little away from her. She didn’t need Josh to explain what he meant by Donna ‘always being there’ for him. CJ was well aware of the close and constant care Donna had given Josh through both his physical and emotional recovery. She was also well aware that Josh hadn’t always made it easy for her.

  "Yes, Josh, she was always there for you- whenever you let her be there. You didn’t always."

  "What do you mean? I didn’t go away."

  "You don’t need to go away when you have brick walls built around you- and you did, my friend."

  For a moment, Josh looked like he was about to argue the point, then with a rueful smile he shrugged and said, "Yeah, I suppose you’re right about that. So, I should just let her go and hope for the best?"

  "Do you have a choice?" CJ asked with a hint of a smile.

  "No."

  "Then, I guess you have your answer."

  "Yeah, I guess I do", Josh sighed.

  "Josh, try not to worry. Donna’s not building walls- she’s just trying to get over a few hurdles. I think some time away will help her do that. Sometimes you have to get away from your life to see it clearly. Also, I bet she’ll end up calling you down there with her before it’s all over."

  "Have you been peering into your crystal ball again, Claudia Jean?" he asked with a grin.

  "Maybe- just wait and see."

  "Okay, I’ll do that. Hey- what was that thing you said about an invitation?"

  "Oh, that- I mentioned it to Donna, but she must have forgotten. I’m having a little get-together on Christmas Eve, and wanted to know if you two were coming."

  "I doubt Donna will be back by then, and I…"

  "You may be out of town yourself", CJ filled in with a smile.

  "I can hope."

  "Right- well, like I told Donna- it’s a standing invitation", CJ said as she stood to leave.

  "CJ-"

  "Yeah?" she turned back just as she was about to walk out.

  "Thanks- you’re a good friend."

  CJ gave him a shy smile and then left.

   That afternoon, while Donna was at OEOB, Josh was searching around her cubicle for a file he needed when her phone rang.

 "Josh Lyman."

 "Mr. Lyman? I was hoping to speak to Donna. This is Melanie Litton…Sarah’s mother."

 "Mrs. Litton, this is a surprise- what can I do for you?"

 "Well, I don’t want to bother you…"

 "Really, it’s no bother. How’s Sarah?"

  "She’s great. To look at her you would never know what she’d experienced a few months ago. I swear, the resilience that kids have is almost scary at times", she said, and Josh could hear the amused wonder in her voice.

  "I know what you mean. It’s a shame we can’t retain that as we get older. So… was there something specific that you needed to talk to Donna about?"

  "Well, it’s just that Sarah was talking about her the other day, wishing she could see her and thank her- I know how busy you all are…It’s just that, with the holidays and everything, I’d like to do something nice for both Donna and Sarah. Listen, I know you’re busy. I can call back later and discuss this with Donna-"

  "Wait… I’d like to help you with this, Mrs. Litton- really. I’d like to thank Sarah myself. She was incredibly helpful that night- to both me and Donna. Your daughter really is a very special person", Josh said, remembering that sweet, scared kid on that awful night- trying so hard to be brave and helpful.

  "Thank you, Mr. Lyman. I feel the same way. What exactly did you have in mind?"

Josh thought for minute, then the perfect idea came to him, and with a wide grin he asked, "Have you or Sarah ever been to the White House during the holidays?"  
  
  
The following Tuesday was a light day for the actual business of running the country. There was, however, a rather hectic schedule of holiday festivities, and PR opportunities, as the government raced toward its few days of rest. These were always especially important for an administration in the midst of trying to get re-elected. Josh, however, had his own agenda for the day- the afternoon actually- and he was determined that it go smoothly. In order to achieve the smooth implementation of his plan, he enlisted the help of Toby, Sam and CJ. The fact that he was able to engage in all this covert activity, without alerting Donna to what he was up to, indicated just how preoccupied she was with her trip. Her flight was leaving that coming Thursday morning, and Josh could tell that in her mind she was already half way out the door.

  A little after noon, Donna walked into Josh’s office and dropped into the visitor’s chair.

  "I never realized the holidays could be so exhausting."

  "I thought you loved all this stuff- all the tinsel, and lights and caroling, and gift-giving", he said the last part with a significant look. She knew he was trying his best to peak her curiosity about the gift he was planning to give her. For her part, she was very curious- she just wasn’t about to let him know how curious she was. So far- so good.

  "I normally do. I’m just feeling a little over-whelmed I guess."

  "Then I guess the doctor’s prescription of a relaxing week at the beach is just the right thing after all", Josh said , coming over to where she sat and pulling her into his arms. Donna looked at him carefully for just a moment, then asked, "Are you sure you’re okay with me going away. I know I asked before, but…"

  "I’m fine. But while you’re away, you can get something for me, and it will make the whole thing worthwhile."

  "What’s that?"

  "The sparkle I’ve been looking for in these eyes-" he said, kissing the brow above each eye. "…and the smile I’ve been missing on these lips", he said, tracing her lips with his fingertip, then following it with a kiss.

  "You’re pretty easy to please. Are you sure there isn’t something else you want?"

  "Just you- happy. That’s worth more to me than all the gold in Fort Knox", Josh replied.

  "Hmmm… well, according to Sam, there’s not that much gold in Fort Knox anymore," Donna said, teasing a little to try to lighten the mood.

  "Hey- I’m trying to be all tender and romantic here, and you’re coming at me with the funny retorts", Josh complained in a injured tone that was a little too exaggerated to be true.

  "Awww, poor baby. I’m sorry. Continue on with the tender and romantic. I’m starting to warm up to it."

  "Okay, funny girl- what would you say if I told you I have an early present for you?"

  "I would ask where you’re hiding it", she replied, making an attempt at searching his pockets.

  "You won’t find it there, but you’re welcome to take me home and do a strip search if it’ll make you feel better", Josh offered with a wicked grin.

  "You’re a wicked man, Joshua", Donna said swatting him on the arm. "Now where’s my present?"

  Josh checked his watch and saw that, for once, his timing was perfect.

  "Sit here and wait. I’ll be right back."

  "Josh!"

  "Just wait…trust me- you’ll like it", he promised as he sprinted out the door.

  A few minutes later, Donna turned as she heard Josh come back into the room. He was standing by the door, a goofy grin on his face.

  "You ready for your surprise?"

  "Yes…Josh, what are you up to?" Donna asked, standing and trying to look around the partially opened door to whatever Josh was trying to conceal.

  He didn’t say anything else, but simply opened the door wider and motioned to whoever was standing on the other side. A woman that Donna didn’t recognize walked in, but close behind her was a young girl, and it only took Donna a second to recognize her. Sarah Litton. Sweet, brave Sarah from that awful night in the market.

  For a moment neither of the moved or said a word, they just looked at one another, awash in their memories of that night. Finally, Donna took a step forward and held out her arms. Sarah ran forward and they embraced each other like two long lost friends. After a few seconds, Donna drew back a little and looked down at Sarah, her eyes bright with unshed tears.

  "What a wonderful surprise! I’m so happy to see you."

  "Me too- happy to see you, I mean. Mr. Lyman and my mom planned this to surprise us. Cool, huh?"

  "Very cool", Donna said, laughter mingled with the tears, making her voice husky.

  "Hey Sarah- I thought I told you to call me Josh", he said, coming over to drape his arm over Donna’s shoulder and ruffle Sarah’s hair affectionately.

  "Oh yeah- sorry, Mr.- I mean, Josh."

  Sarah’s mother stepped over and, resting a hand on Sarah’s shoulder, she looked at Donna a little hesitantly, "I hope you don’t mind. Sarah’s been wanting to see you, and as I told Josh, I know how busy you stay working here. I thought it would be a nice Christmas present for the two of you."

  "It was a wonderful idea. Thank you so much", Donna said, looking from Melanie Litton to Josh. "So, did you just get here? Have you had a chance to look around?" she asked, looking from Sarah to Melanie.

  "I’ve never seen so many beautiful Christmas trees in one place in my life. Is it like this every Christmas?"

  "Pretty much. Have you been to the East Room yet?" Donna asked.

 Both Melanie and Sarah shook their heads, and Donna saw Josh’s grin. He knew the East Room was one of Donna’s favorite rooms in the White House during the holidays.

  "Well, we’ll have to fix that right away." Donna looked at Josh then and said, "If you can do without me for a little while, I’m going to take Sarah and her mom around for a little impromptu tour, okay?"

  "That’s what I had planned. I’m just going to finish up some things here and I’ll join you."

  "Okay. Thanks."

  "My pleasure," he said and watched them leave. Donna turned, just as she was about to close Josh’s door behind her and mouthed, "I love you".

  Josh sat back in his chair and, folding his arms behind him, smiled with a sense of satisfaction at a job well done.

  Josh caught up with Donna, Sarah and Melanie about forty-five minutes later. There were right where he thought they’d be- in the East Room. They were standing near the crèche, that served as the holiday centerpiece of the East Room, and Donna was, of course, telling them all about it.

  "The forty-seven baroque figures were made in Naples, Italy in the late eighteenth century out of hand-carved wood and terra cotta, and have been displayed here every Christmas since 1967. In 1978, Mrs. Engelhard, the lady who donated it, provided ten more figures and the funds for a new tableau. It’s been displayed as you see it now since our first Christmas here."

  "It’s beautiful, Donna", Melanie said, looking at it with awe. Sarah looked impressed as well, but it was clear she was far more enchanted with the snow covered trees that bordered the room. As she was turning to take another look  at them, she saw Josh walk into the room.

  "Have you told them about the presidential homes on the mantles yet?" Josh asked walking over to where they all stood.

  "Not yet", Donna said turning to smile at him.

  "Well, when you do, don’t forget to show them the Andrew Jackson house," Josh said, pointing to the fireplace mantle in the southwest corner of the room. "If you do, Leo will never let you hear the end of it."

  "Who’s Leo?" Sarah asked, grinning as she looked from Josh to Donna.

  "He’s talking about Leo McGarry, the Chief of Staff. He has a special spot in his heart for Andrew Jackson", Donna replied.

  "Oh…isn’t Andrew Jackson the President who had that big block of cheese and invited people to come to the White House to eat it?"

  "Finally- a kindred spirit. This brilliant young lady must be Sarah." They all turned at that comment to see Leo walk into the room. He shook hands with Melanie and Sarah as Josh made the introductions, then he turned to Sarah and said "So, young lady, what else do you know about Andrew Jackson?"

  Josh watched as Leo led Donna and Sarah over to the model of ’The Hermitage", that he had pointed to a few moments before, and quizzed them on their knowledge of the former President. Melanie walked over to Josh and touched him on the arm, getting his attention.

  "Thank you so much for this, Josh. Sarah will never forget it."

  "That’s okay. Besides, I think it’s done as much for Donna as it has for Sarah. For that, I owe you."

  "Owe me? How?" Melanie asked, confused.

  "For having such a bright, wonderful, and resilient daughter. I think…no- I know it’s done wonders for Donna to see her again."

  "In that case, I’d say we’re even. Come on, we better catch up with them. I do believe they’ve forgotten that we’re here." she said with an amused grin.

   

  That evening as they were in Josh’s office getting ready to leave, Donna came over to where he stood behind his desk and put her arms around him. The kiss that followed that action was enough to rock him back on his heels.

  "Wow…what did I do to deserve that?"

  "I just wanted you to know what an incredibly sweet thing I think you did today."

  "Well… it wasn’t all my idea. Melanie called and I just happened to talk to her… I’m glad you liked my surprise."

  "I’m beginning to like your surprises more and more. It’s just one more thing I’m going to miss while I’m gone."

  "I can surprise you there too, if you want." Josh said, hoping that she took his barely disguised hint at joining her at the beach as the no pressure offer it was.

  "Maybe… I’ll let you know. Come on- let’s go home. I have a few surprises of my own", Donna said waggling her eyebrows suggestively.

  "Oh boy! You don’t have to ask me twice," Josh said grinning as he followed her out.

* * *

  Donna arrived in Norfolk, Virginia just before ten o’clock Thursday morning. By the time she collected her bag, and arranged for her rental car, she was more than ready to leave the throng of holiday travelers and commuters behind. She made her way through the airport as quickly as possible and headed in the direction of the Hertz rental lot. On her way there, she was hoping she remembered how to handle a four-wheel drive vehicle. It had been quite a while since she drove her father’s when she lived in Wisconsin. The only reason she had decided to rent it was that the rental agent suggested it when Donna told her she was driving through the Outer Banks. In the summer, it wasn’t actually necessary, unless you were driving off-road, but during the winter months it was better to be safe than sorry.

  A little while later, after she had collected her roomy, yet slightly intimidating SUV, Donna called Josh.

  "Hi, I’m in Norfolk. How are things there?"

  "Hectic, but nothing I wasn’t expecting. How was your flight?" Josh asked and Donna could hear in his voice that he already missed her.

  "I feel like it took longer to get out of the airport than it took to get here- but okay, I guess."

  "I guess you’re anxious to get on the road…to get down there and relax" Josh said, wondering why they seemed to be having such difficulty talking to each other all of the sudden.

  "Yeah, kind of. Josh?"

  "Yeah?"

  "I miss you too", Donna confessed, knowing that he felt that way, but didn’t want to say it for fear of making her feel guilty over going away.

  "Is there ever going to be a time when I can get anything past you?"

  "Nope- so you might as well get used to it", Donna replied and Josh could hear the amusement in her voice as she said it.

  "Okay."

  "Look, I better get going. The weather looks fine, and Madison’s directions are pretty simple to follow, but…"

  "Yeah. Call me when you get there?"

  "I will. I love you."

  "Me too. Drive safe."

   Close to an hour later Donna was driving through the rural area of eastern North Carolina that would take her to the Outer Banks. She passed roadside stands boarded up for the winter, and little country stores with adjoining  restaurants. Not to mention, all manner of billboards heralding the pleasures and amusements to be found on the Outer Banks. Nags Head and Kitty Hawk, she was familiar with, but she had to smile when she saw a sign for the oddly named Kill Devil Hills. She couldn’t help but wonder about the story behind the naming of that little hamlet.

  Once she passed through the more populated and commercial areas of Kitty Hawk and Nags Head, Donna made the turn off that would take her to the southern islands. Even though those areas were quiet in the stark winter months, nothing had prepared Donna for the feeling of pure isolation as she passed over the bridge at Oregon Inlet and onto Hatteras Island.

  For someone who had grown quite used to the frantic pace of a city as energetic and diverse as the nation’s capital, Donna was surprised how quickly she embraced the quiet beauty of the island. As she drove past the wildlife refuge at Pea Island and farther south past the small towns of Rodanthe, Avon, Frisco and Buxton, it almost seemed as if the tension she had been feeling was fading away with each mile.

  Donna arrived in Hatteras Village just before one in the afternoon, and feeling  more hungry than she had in a long time, she decided to stop at a restaurant before going the rest of the way to Madison’s house. She pulled in at a place called ‘The Sandbar, and getting out of the car, was treated to her first taste of the brisk wind that was almost a constant thing on the island. She took a quick look around, and then ran inside the restaurant.

  It was a quiet, cozy place with bar that ran the length of one side, and dark tables with barrel-back chairs. A few people sat at the bar, drinking coffee and eating their lunch. From the looks of them, Donna supposed they were fisherman. They had that worn and weathered look that said they spent their days braving the elements and the capricious mood of the ocean.

  Almost as soon as Donna took a seat, the waitress came by and dropped a menu in front of her, and poured her a glass of water.

  "Hi, I’m Carrie, welcome to The Sandbar. Can I get you some coffee or something to start you off?"

  "Yes…coffee would be great", Donna said, finally feeling warm enough to shrug of her coat.

  "Coming right up."

  Donna sat back in her chair and pulling her phone out of her pocket, dialed Josh’s number. When she didn’t get though, she looked at the display on the phone and saw that it was ‘searching. She continued to wait for it to find a signal and after a few moments, sighed and shut it off. She looked up to see her waitress return with her coffee.

  "Couldn’t get through?" she asked Donna, nodding towards her cell phone.

  "No. I couldn’t get a signal. Is that usual?" Donna asked, hoping it wasn’t. As much as she hated to admit it, she had gotten just as dependent on her methods of constant connection as Josh was. Maybe that was something she should think about changing while she was here.

  "It does happen. We’re pretty far out on this end of the island. But if you need to get in touch with someone, there’s a pay phone around the corner", Carrie said, indicating an alcove near the restrooms.

  "Maybe a little later. Right now I’m more interested in getting something to eat. What’s good?"

  "Well, the seafood is all fresh, good and plentiful, or we do a pretty mean roast chicken. Are you a seafood lover?" Carrie asked.

  "Yes, I like pretty much all kinds of seafood."

  "Well, in that case, I recommend the seafood chowder. It’s great, and it’s just the thing for a day like this."

  "That sounds great. I’ll have that", Donna decided with a smile.

  With a nod, Carrie collected her menu and returned to the kitchen area to put in Donna’s order.

  A little while later, Donna sat at the table, finishing off the delicious chowder and munching, with unashamed gluttony on one of the warm sourdough rolls from the basket in front of her. Carrie, her waitress, came by her table and asked if she’d like anything else.

  "No…I couldn’t possibly. Even with these rolls- my mouth is saying more, but my stomach is saying more than enough. Everything was delicious, by the way."

  "Good, I’m glad you liked it. I can wrap up some of those rolls for you to take with you- if you’d like."

  Donna shook her head even though she had a wide smile on her face. "Oh…no. I don’t think I could live with the temptation. Besides, it will give me an excuse to come back again."

  "Well sure! Are you going to be staying on the island for a while?"

  "A few days at least. Do you know this address? I’m assuming it’s not very far up the road…" Donna asked, showing Carrie the slip of paper with the address of Madison’s cottage on it.

  "Nothing’s very far up the road on this end of the island", Carrie said with a bit of a teasing chuckle. "But this is less than a mile-yes… I know this place- this is Doc Shannon’s place. South of Galway, it’s called, I believe. It’s a pretty place. It’s a shame that she doesn’t get a chance to spend more time there. You’re a friend of hers?"

  "Yeah, she offered me the use of her cottage for the week", Donna replied, smiling at the lyrical name she gave the place.

  "Cottage, huh?" Carrie arched an eyebrow and chuckled a little when she said spoke.

  "What’s so funny?" Donna asked.

  "You’ll know when you see the place. Enjoy your time on the island, and come back and see us", Carrie said, putting Donna’s check on the table with a smile.   
  
After she got off the phone with Josh, Donna grabbed her bags and went upstairs to take her pick of one of the four bedrooms on the second floor. After dropping her bags on the landing, she walked into each, and took a look around. Eventually she decide on the first room she had looked into. It was on the ocean side of the house and had a deep and wide bay window, complete with a comfy looking window-seat that just invited one to grab an afghan and curl up there to be lulled by the hypnotic spell of the ocean below.

  Unable to resist the temptation, Donna walked over and sank into the pillow laden window seat. She watched as the sky turned a half dozen different pre-dusk hues as the setting sun refracted off the water as it met the horizon line. At that moment Donna couldn’t help but wonder how Madison could manage to stay away from this place. If it was hers, she couldn’t imagine ever wanting to leave.

  Donna remained there until the sun went down and the sky darkened to deep purple. Finally, her muscles stiff from her long walk in the cold and her time curled up in the window seat, she got up and went to retrieve her luggage and unpack.

  When Donna was close to finishing her unpacking and weighing her dinner options in her head, she ran across a particular item- an item she had managed to forget about since she had left D.C. It was the letter from Mark Lewis. The still unopened letter from Mark Lewis. She held it in her hands for a moment, feeling the weight of it, wondering for the millionth time what he had felt was so important that he needed to share it with her. Wondering also why reading the letter still presented such an emotional hurdle for her. The presence of it didn’t make her quite as nervous as it once had- but there it was- still unopened and unread. She flipped it over and ran a hesitant finger along the seal before turning it back over and setting it on the top of the chest of drawers farthest from the bed.

Madison had suggested that she bring the letter with her, knowing that Donna had as yet been unable to tackle that particular hurdle in her recovery. She had suggested to Donna that in the insulated environment of her island getaway that the opportunity to get it over with may present itself. Now wasn’t the time though. Soon maybe- but not yet.

 Later that evening, Donna curled up once again in the window seat and called Josh.

  "Hi. You still at work?"

  "Yeah."

  "How come? Did something came up?"

  "Nah…I was just getting ahead on a few things for a change," Josh replied, sounding tired.

  "Josh?"

  "Yeah?"

  "Are you avoiding going home?"

  "Well…."

  "You are, aren’t you?"

  "I’m working on stuff… really. I just… yeah- I’m kinda’ doing that too."

  "You should really go home."

  "I will. Soon. I promise."

  "You should go now."

  "Why?"

  On her end, Donna took a deep breath, and feeling pretty sure that she was making the right decision, she explained her reasons to Josh.

  "You need to go home now so that you can come in fresh and rested in the morning, put in a full day, so that hopefully Leo will let you come down here and spend a few days with me day after tomorrow."

  The silence on the other end of the line was lasting far longer than Donna had expected, and it was starting to worry her.

  "Josh? Are you still there?"

  "Uh… yeah, I’m here. Sorry… Did you just say you want me to come down? You did, didn’t you?"

  "Yes. I asked you to join me here. Do you still want to?" Donna asked, the hesitant, unsure note in her voice as she said the last part was unmistakable.

  "Do I want to…Oh, Donna, of course I do. Are you sure? I mean, I know I was complaining about missing you earlier, but-"

  "Josh- that’s not why I asked you. I just decided that I wanted you here, and that there was nothing that I needed to do that I couldn’t do without you by my side. Plus, I want to share this place with you. I think you‘ll fall in love with it just like I did."

  "I’ll love anyplace that you are, as long as we can be together."

  "Oh Josh…"

  "Donna, come on…"

  "You really are so sweet sometimes."

  "Yeah…well, we’ll just keep that between us, if you don’t mind."

  "What would be the fun in that?"

  "Lots for me, apparently not so much for you," Josh groused good naturedly.

  "You got that right, Mr. Softie," Donna replied with a wicked grin.

  "Okay, Donna… that name has to go."

  "Oh, why? I think you’re just shy about everyone finding out what a sweet person you can be."

  "Well, there is that- but that name, Donna. ‘Mr. Softie’ - that can be interpreted in just too many bad ways." Josh replied, at which point Donna burst into the giggles she had been trying so valiantly to hold in. On his end, Josh couldn’t help but smile. He knew he’d been got, but it was well worth a little joke at his expense to hear Donna laugh the way she was doing right now.

  "I’m sorry…but, that was just too good. I couldn’t resist stringing you along a little." Donna said, still laughing.

  "That’s okay. Go right ahead and enjoy yourself. That‘s what I‘m here for"

  "That’s very generous of you Josh- but as much as I’d like continue to enjoy myself at your expense, you need to go home and make all the necessary preparations for your getaway. Oh- don’t forget to let CJ know you won’t make the thing at her place Christmas Eve…or maybe I should just call her."

  "No, that’s okay- I’ll do it." Josh offered just a bit too enthusiastically.

  "Really, I can do it. You’ll probably forget, besides I need to talk to her about something anyway."

  "You’re going to tell her about the ‘Mr. Softie’ thing, aren’t you?" Josh asked with a resigned sigh.

  "That depends, Joshua."

 "On what?"

 "What am I getting for Christmas?" Donna asked, knowing full well that Josh wasn’t about to tell her, no matter what she held over his head.

  "Donnatella Moss- that’s blackmail!"

 "That’s an ugly accusation, Josh. True…but ugly all the same," Donna replied, her voice shaking with laughter.

 "You’re an evil woman, you know that?"

 "It’s what you love about me, so you might as well admit it."

 "I’m going home now. You can call me tomorrow and mock me some more then."

 "Looking forward to it. I love you, Josh."

 "Love you too."  
  
 The morning of the twenty-second started out as a bright, calm day. The brisk winds of the day before had calmed to what passed for a gentle coastal breeze on the island. Between that and the warmth of the bright sunshine, Donna felt brave enough after breakfast to rent a bike from one of the little convenience store/ fishing supply/ rental places that were scattered nearby. Although they usually rented the bikes on either a hourly, daily or weekly rate, the guy behind the counter gave her what amounted to a two hour rate and told her to keep it as long as she needed it. She got the distinct impression that he was flirting with her, but that was okay, a little harmless flirting never hurt anyone.

   After getting some suggestions of places to see, Donna took off on the bike toward the southern end of the island. She went down the Monitor Trail and over the Slash Bridge passing old cemeteries and new buildings. She noticed historic landmarks that had been given new uses, and local landmarks that had survived the elements and the whims of nature to adapt to the changing times. It made her strangely happy to see such strength and vitality around her despite everything the world and nature had thrown at it over the years. It wasn’t by any means a bustling place, but it seemed prosperous in a quiet, content sort of way.  After a while Donna set her course for the Pamlico Sound side of the island, and just wandered a little. While it wasn’t as invigorating as the ocean side of the island, it had it’s own peaceful beauty.

  Early afternoon brought Donna back to ‘The Sandbar’. Invigorated by her morning ride, she had worked up quite an appetite.  When she saw Carrie walk over to her table with a  welcoming smile, and a "Welcome back", she smiled in return.

"Thanks. I’ve been touring the island and I’m starving! I’m putting myself entirely in your hands. Bring me …whatever. Just make sure you include plenty of those sourdough rolls."

  "Well, well… I see the island’s worked it’s magic on you. You look positively rejuvenated." Carrie observed with a teasing smile.

 "I don’t know if it’s magic or not- but I do feel great…or at least better than I’ve felt in a long time."

  "I’m glad. So… how are you enjoying Doc Shannon’s ‘cottage’?" Carrie asked with a grin.

  "It’s beautiful. I can see why you made that face when I referred to it the way I did. Calling that place a cottage is like calling Stonehenge a pile of rocks." Donna replied with a grin.

 "I’d have to agree with you there. So, you’re game for the special of the day, hmm?" Carrie asked, arching a brow in challenge.

  "Okay- now I’ve got to ask…what is it?"

Carrie was tempted to tease her with something really outrageous, but she couldn’t think of anything quick enough. So after a rather pregnant pause, she chuckled a little and replied, "Nothing too adventurous- fresh trout with lemon and cracked pepper served with pecan mushroom rice and steamed broccoli."

  Donna closed her eyes and sighed, "That sounds perfect. That and a big basket of those sourdough rolls, please. I believe I‘ve earned it."

  "That’s the spirit. I’ll have it for you in a jiffy," Carrie said and walked back to the kitchen.   
  
  Donna lingered over her lunch, watching the comings and goings of the Sandbar’s patrons, and perusing the local paper, The Island Breeze. She couldn’t help but think how different this place was than the life she was used to in Washington. It’s not that it was less vital here. It just seemed…simpler, or maybe just more clearly defined. Washington had it’s own rules of life- especially in the political arena, and very little in D.C seemed to fall outside of that arena, but the rules changed with the political climate. Here, life had an element of constancy that was missing there, and It wasn’t that she wanted to radically change her life or her job. It just became a bit tiresome at times. Of course, the same could probably be said of everyone’s life now and again.

  "So… are you going to give in to temptation and take the rest of the rolls home with you this time, "Carrie asked, breaking into Donna’s reverie.

  "Yes. This time I will -and if I can manage to exert some willpower and avoid eating any more, then I’ll have something to feed the birds when I take my walk on the beach later," Donna replied with a smile.

 "That’s a very practical, unselfish approach," Carrie remarked, with a teasing smile.

 "Where I’m from the appearance of an appealing motive can count for a lot."

 "I’ll bet," Carrie said, chuckling as she picked up the basket of rolls. "I’ll wrap these up for you, and bring you the check if you’re ready."

 "Thanks. That would be great."  
  
  
   After Donna left the restaurant she drove around for a while, stopping in a few curio and antique shops, picking up a few odds and ends as keepsakes before returning to the beach house. She planned on driving out to the harbor later in the day and possibly taking the ferry over to Ocracoke, but she wanted to call Josh first and make sure that nothing stood in the way of him joining her tomorrow.

  When she arrived back at the house she noticed a brightly wrapped package sitting on the doorstep. Surprised and a little puzzled, she picked it up and carried it inside. After shrugging out of he coat, she glanced at the card tag attached to the oddly shaped bundle.

 It read - ‘ For Donna  - From Eustis, Dulcie and Paddy…Merry Christmas.’

  Donna tore open the wrapping to reveal a wicker basket filled with cookies, two jars of homemade preserves, a tin filled with roasted pecans, and in the center of the basket, surrounded by all the goodies was a white knit scarf. As the pulled the scarf out of the package, Donna noticed a tiny label at one end of the scarf. Looking closer, she was surprised and touched to note that it read ‘Dulcie’s Threads’.

  Just then Donna had a thought, and walking over to the hall tree, she picked up the ends of the red scarf that she had worn on the beach the day before. Sure enough, there it was- the same label she had just noticed on her scarf- ‘Dulcie’s Threads’.

  Touched beyond measure at such an unexpected act of kindness and thoughtfulness, Donna went over to the phone to call Eustis and his wife.

  "Mr. Malloy? It’s Donna Moss- from next door…"

  "Hello, Donna. Everything okay?"

  "Yes, everything’s fine. I just wanted to call and let you know I found the very thoughtful gift you and your wife- and of course, Paddy- sent over. I can’t thank you enough. It was such a sweet thing to do."

  "Nothing of the kind. It was our pleasure. Dulcie loves to make up her little Christmas baskets. She says it really gets her in the spirit of things."

  "Well, it was a wonderful surprise. Please thank her for me."

  "She’s right here. I’ll let you thank her yourself. She was wanting to call you anyway. Here she is. "

 Donna heard Eustis hand the phone over to wife, explaining who was on the other end.

  "Hello, dear… Eustis tells me you got the basket. I hope you enjoy it." Dulcie said, and the gentle southern tones in her voice reminded Donna of Ainsley.

  "I’m sure I will. Everything looks sinfully delicious," Donna remarked with a chuckle.

  "Surely, dear, you know that calories from holiday gifts simply don’t count. It’s all factored in with the giving of the gift."

  "I’ll keep that in mind and enjoy everything accordingly then," Donna replied with renewed laughter, then added. "Also, I wanted to thank you for the beautiful scarf. You do wonderful work."

  "Thank you, dear. You wear it in good health."

  "I will. It will be a very nice remembrance of my time here."

  "I’m glad you like it. I’m actually glad you called. I wanted to invite you over to a little neighborhood get together we’re having tomorrow night. Eustis tells me you are here by yourself, and we hate to see anyone spending the holidays alone."

  "I appreciate the invitation, but it looks as though my friend may be joining me tomorrow. So I won’t be alone."

  "Well, that’s wonderful. Please don’t let that stop you. The more the merrier, we always say," Dulcie assured her and Donna could tell from her tone it was a sincere invitation.

  "I can only promise to try. I’m not sure what time he’ll be getting down here though."

  "That’s fine. We’ll look forward to seeing you if you can make it."

  "Thank you, and thank you again for the lovely basket, it really was very thoughtful."

 "Think nothing of it, dear. We’ll see you tomorrow then… Happy holidays."

 

  About an hour later Donna called Josh to get an update on his plans. After spending a few minutes talking to the temp filling in for her , Josh came on the line.

  "Hey, you… How’s it going down there?"

  "It’s wonderful, Josh- but I think it will be even better when you get here. Speaking of- how’s that going? Was Leo okay with you cutting out a little early?"

  "Yeah…but-"

"But what?" Donna asked, immediately wary.

 "There’s a situation that may be getting a little out of hand. If it doesn’t get resolved tonight, then…"

 "You may not be coming at all?"

"I hope that won’t be the case- but, yeah… it’s a possibility," Josh confirmed, and Donna could hear the disappointment and regret in his voice.

 "Josh, it’s okay- I understand. We both know that the stuff like this happens."

 "I’m still sorry."

 "Well, you shouldn’t be. Do you think…I mean, maybe I should come back. You might need me there." Donna offered, although she hated the thought of leaving before she had done what she’d come there to do.

  "No- absolutely not," he replied in a firm tone that he softened when he continued. "I always need you, but Donna, what you’re doing is important. I don’t want that taking a backseat to anything- even what’s going on here."

  "Okay…but if you change your mind-"

 "I won’t. Look… this might all be resolved by this evening. Leo was cautiously optimistic the last time we talked, so let’s not even worry about it right now. Tell me what you’ve been doing today…"

  Donna spent the next twenty minutes filling Josh in on what she’d been doing and about the gift and invitation from Eustis and Dulcie. They had to end their call when Josh got a message that Leo needed to see him. They said goodbye to each other with the hope that Leo had good news.

  Donna spent the remainder of the afternoon puttering around the house, looking at the photos that adorned the walls and perusing Madison’s book collection. She was about to check the ferry schedule when she took a look out the French doors and noticed that the sky had darkened prematurely and the surf was churning up. She turned on the television to the weather channel and saw that the earlier bright calm had been the veritable calm before the storm. A northeaster was blowing into the Outer Banks that evening, and small craft advisories had already been issued. There were warnings about the possibility of low level flooding in some areas as well. Combined with the conversation she had earlier with Josh, Donna began to wonder if she would be spending the holidays alone after all. With a heavy sigh, she selected one of the books she’d noticed earlier, and taking it upstairs to her room, she curled up in the window seat to read for a while.

  Donna awoke some time later to the faint but persistent sound of a phone ringing. Looking out the window, she was surprised to see that night sky was bright with stars and the sea had calmed somewhat. Turning in the direction of the still ringing phone, Donna picked it up.

  "H’lo." she muttered, still trying to shake off the vestiges of sleep.

  "Hi…did I wake you?"

  It was Josh, and just the sound of his voice made her smile.

  "Yeah, but it’s okay. How are things going?"

  "Good. It looks like the situation we were worrying about is pretty much diffused. I was calling to check on these directions you gave me to the Doc’s house. It’s Rodanthe, then Waves, Salvo, Avon, Buxton and Frisco- then Hatteras, right?"

  "Yeah, that’s right. It’s all pretty straightforward. You just follow the road and the signs. It’s an easy drive and everything’s clearly marked."

  "Yeah… well, it’s a little hard to see some of these signs at night, Donna."

 "What do mean ‘in the dark’? Where are you Josh?" Donna asked, now fully awake.

 "I just passed through Rodanthe- at least I think I’m through it. Do people actually live out here in the middle of the ocean? Cause I gotta’ tell you, I haven’t seen too many." Josh quipped, ignoring Donna’s incredulous shout of "Rodanthe?!"

"Josh, what are you doing in Rodanthe? How… I mean… I don’t understand."

"Well, when I got off the phone with you Leo told me things were looking good, then he asked about you. I told him about our plans and he asked what I was still doing standing there bothering him."

  "You’re kidding?" Donna asked, thinking all the while that it sounded exactly like something Leo would say.

  "I swear. He looked at me with one of those leprechaun grins of his, and told me make sure I caught you under the mistletoe once for him."

  "I always knew that Leo was a devilish charmer. If he was a few years younger, you might have something to worry about." Donna teased.

  "I’ll keep that in mind. So… is this okay- me coming up tonight instead of tomorrow?"

  "Yes. In fact it’s better than okay. It’s a wonderful surprise. I’m still shocked you were able to get out of D.C and as far as you have so quickly."

  "It’s called careful planning, Donnatella," Josh replied with a superior tone.

  "And who did all this careful planning for you, Joshua?" Donna deadpanned.

  "Funny girl. I’ll have you know that I’m capable of orchestrating a brilliant plan every once in a while."

  "That’s my man- and I have total faith in your abilities. There’s just one thing…"

  "What’s that, my love?" Josh asked, having a sneaking suspicion he was about to be mocked.

 "Well, if I were you I wouldn’t utter the words ‘brilliant plan’ anywhere in the vicinity of CJ…or Toby for that matter," Donna remarked, the mischief in her voice clear.

"Did I happen to mention that you’re evil?"

 "Yes, but we’ve already agreed it’s part of my overwhelming allure."

 "Oh yeah- that’s right. Look, I’ll be there as soon as I can… an hour maybe. Are you going to have a fire burning for me?"

  "How about you hurry up and get here and start your own fires." Donna countered, her voice sultry with suggestion.

  "Now *that’s* a brilliant plan . I’ll be there soon, promise."

 "I’ll be waiting. I love you."  
  
  
   It was a little over an hour later when Josh finally arrived. Donna had been watching for his car, since she knew he had driven straight from D.C, as opposed to the route she had taken. When she saw him pull into the driveway, behind her rented SUV, she opened the front door and waited anxiously for him to climb the steps to greet her. When he reached Donna, standing just inside the doorway, he dropped his bag and pulled her into his arms.

  "God, I missed you!" he said as he kissed her longingly on the mouth several times, then moving voraciously to her neck, as he buried his hands in her hair.

  "It was two days, Josh," she replied as she returned his kisses with equal enthusiasm.

  "Two days… thirteen hours,,, and … forty- two minutes," he countered with a quick glance at his watch as he kicked the door closed.

  "Fifty-two minutes, Josh. Your watch still sucks," Donna muttered into his ear as she pulled off his coat.

  "Whatever… it was too long."

 An hour later, as they laid together, the sheets tangled around them and the big patchwork quilt hanging halfway off the bed, Josh asked a question.

  "Do you remember how we got up here?"

  "Not completely. I do seem to remember you attempting to defy the laws of gravity on the steps on the way up here," Donna recalled, her eyes dancing with amusement.

  "Hey, you have to applaud the effort, if not the result."

 "Hey, I’m just applauding the fact that it didn’t ‘result’ in us ending up in the hospital with several broken bones," Donna quipped.

  "Ye of little faith. I say we give it another shot," Josh replied, his brow arched in challenge as he traced the contours of Donna’s face lovingly.

  "Not without a safety net."

  "Don’t worry. I won’t let you fall." he promised, all teasing gone from his voice as he placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

  "You haven’t yet," Donna replied softly, laying her head on Josh’s chest, sighing in pleasure as she listened to the sure and steady beating of his heart.

  "And I never will."

* * *

   The next morning dawned bright, but blustery. When Josh woke up, he reached out- eyes still closed, for Donna. Feeling the space beside him empty, he pried one eye open, and saw her sitting on the window seat, wrapped in an afghan and gazing out the big bay window. He lay there for  moment, just watching her. In the short space of time she had been here she seemed more relaxed, more at peace. He had gotten glimpses of the change in their phone conversations, but seeing the physical effects - especially in this unguarded moment- was the most reassuring thing he’d seen since that awful night in October. Just then she turned, and saw Josh lying there, a tender smile turning the corners of his mouth as he watched her.

  "Good morning, sleepyhead," Donna said, coming back over to join him in bed.

  "Yeah… it is a good morning. You been up long?" Josh asked, caressing her cheek.

  "Not too long. I think I’ve spent a good portion of my time here catching up on the last four years of lost sleep," Donna replied with a smile.

  "Well the last couple of months, anyway. You’re sleeping better now?" Josh asked, although it sounded more like a statement than a question.

  "So are you, I noticed," Donna countered.

  "I sleep better when you do," Josh observed, and when he noticed the flicker of guilt that passed over her features, he added, "Just like you sleep better when my mind’s at peace."

  Donna looked at Josh for a long moment, digesting what he had said. Then, as though she realized the truth in his words, she nodded and leaning down, she kissed him. First on his brow, then on the lips, and said softly, "Yes… yes, I do."

 Josh smiled and pulling her into his arms, he rolled over so that Donna was underneath him. After what he considered a proper good morning kiss, he propped himself up on his elbows and looked deeply into her eyes.

 "At this moment there’s only one thing I need to know…"

 "And that is?" Donna asked, one brow arched in question.

 "Where’s my coffee, woman?" he asked, eyes dancing with mischief.

  Josh should have been warned by the deceptively apologetic expression on Donna’s face, but he wasn’t. He never had any idea what she was up to as she slid her hands under the covers, caressing his sides until she reached a particularly sensitive, not to mention ticklish, area. At the appropriate moment, she dug her fingers in and tickled. Josh’s reaction was immediate and exactly as she expected. As he rolled away, she deftly slid out of bed, leaving the afghan to fall behind her. Josh recovered from Donna’s sneak attack only to be distracted quite efficiently by the sight of the morning sun glancing off her naked body as she stood smiling at Josh.  It never ceased to amaze Josh that no matter how many times he saw her, whether she was fully clothed or standing, completely naked, and smiling in amusement at him, she still took his breath away.

  As Josh continued to lie there and take enjoyment in the mere sight of her, Donna turned away, and grabbing her robe she walked over to the adjoining bathroom. Just as she was about to walk into the bathroom, she turned her head in Josh’s direction, and regarding him with a smug and satisfied smile, said, "Oh… to answer your question- your coffee is downstairs in the pot. Could you be a sweetheart and get me a cup too? I’m going to take a bath."  With one last saucy grin, Donna slipped into the bathroom and closed the door.   
  
  Josh not only brought Donna her coffee, but he ended up sharing her bath. It had become a ritual with them from that first night they spent together. Josh always groused about coming out of the bath smelling ‘all girly’, but Donna noticed that it never prevented him from joining her every chance he got. At some point while they were lazing in the hot scented water, Donna realized that it was the first time since she’d left D.C. that she had opted for a bath, rather than a shower, and realized it was because Josh wasn’t there to share it with her.

  After their bath they went out for breakfast at ‘The Sandbar’. Carrie, the waitress from Donna’s last two visits was there, and greeted her warmly. Donna introduced Josh, and Carrie didn’t need any clarification of their relationship status when she noticed the warm looks and the almost constant physical contact they maintained. Carrie chatted with them for a while and after taking their order for a nice, big breakfast, she reminded them that they were closing after lunch on Christmas eve, and would be closed Christmas day- as a lot of the other restaurants would. Donna thanked her for letting them know and after a bit of conversation decided that it wouldn’t be a bad idea to make a trip to the grocery store to get some provisions.

  After they finished breakfast Donna suggested a walk on the beach. At first Josh looked at her like she’d taken leave of her senses.

  "You are aware that it’s December, right?"

 At her amused nod, he went on to say, "And with the wind on the beach, it’s like ten degrees. You know that, right?"

  "You’re exaggerating, you big baby. It’s not that cold. The sun is out and it’s nice on the beach. It’s very relaxing and at the same time very invigorating."

  "Yeah, that stage right before hypothermia sets in usually is fairly invigorating," Josh observed, his voice heavily laced with sarcasm.

  "Big baby," Donna said, practically sticking out her tongue at him.

  "Crazy woman," Josh retorted, with a grin.

  "Okay… how about this. We’ll go back to the house, get all bundled up, and if your poor little fingers and toes suffer any from the cold, I’ll personally start a fire and warm you up."

  Josh sat there for a moment, a leering smile turning up the corners of his mouth as he had a mental image of all the things that Donna could possibly do to ‘warm him up’.

  "Well? Are you game, Mr. Outdoorsman?" Donna prompted, smug challenge evident in her voice.

  "You’re on. But, I expect to be warmed sufficiently and completely," Josh stated, the suggestive leer on his face becoming more pronounced.

  "Yeah…yeah, I heard you. It’s a deal, though- no backing out or whining to go back in early, right?" Donna confirmed.

 "I said we had a deal, didn’t I? Come on, let’s go," Josh said, throwing a few bills down on the table, and heading towards the door of the restaurant.

  Donna shrugged, and grabbing her coat, she followed after Josh. Just as they were going out the door, she turned to Josh and with an odd little smile said, "You shouldn’t worry about getting warm once we’re back inside though. That fireplace puts out a tremendous amount of heat."

  Josh stood just outside of the restaurant, stopped in his tracks as it dawned on him just how effectively he’d been suckered. Of course, maybe she was just messing with him a little.

  "Donna," he asked as he jogged up beside her, "You weren’t *just* talking about building a fire, were you? I mean… you were talking about a little more personal attention too, weren’t you?"

Donna turned and saw the hopeful look in his eyes, and with a saucy grin and a twinkle in her eyes said, "Maybe."

  "Maybe? What does maybe mean?" he asked in a slightly whiny voice.

 Donna turned back to him as she walked around to her side of the car, and with one of those ‘are you stupid?’ looks that Josh swore she had learned from Leo, she replied.

  "Maybe means what it implies. Maybe. Perhaps. You know, for all the money your parents spent on that Ivy-league education of yours, and that supposed 760 verbal you’ve always claiming to have achieved, one would think you’d know the definition of ‘maybe’."

 "You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?" Josh asked with a smirk.

 "Maybe," Donna retorted with a deliciously smug grin.  
  
  Later that afternoon, lying in front of the big stone fireplace, a heavy down quilt beneath them, Donna couldn’t help but hear the contented sigh of total pleasure that came from Josh.

   "Warm now, my big tough outdoorsman?" Donna asked, propping herself up on one elbow, and regarding Josh with a self-satisfied smirk.

  "Oh yeah…in fact, you exceeded even my expectations," he replied, looking at Donna through lazy, pleasure filled eyes.

  "Well… you helped with the fire. It was only fair."

  "Yeah, and a lot more fun than when I helped Sam build the fire that time."

  "Well, it helps when your efforts don’t result in having the President forced out onto the Truman balcony in his underwear."

  "I can’t argue with you there," Josh said, trailing a pattern down Donna’s bare back.

 "Josh?"

 "Yeah?"

"I’m getting cold again," Donna pouted appealingly.

 "You want me add a log to the fire?"

  "No… I want some ’personal attention’," Donna said, exaggerating the pout just a little as she snuggled closer to Josh.

  "I think I can accommodate that request," Josh replied with a grin as he covered her body with his own.   
  
  It was early that evening, as they were looking through the kitchen for something to make for dinner that Donna remembered about the invitation from the Malloys.

  "Oh no, Josh! I can’t believe I forgot. They sent over that nice basket and were sweet enough to invite us, and I didn’t even think to call."

  "Donna… calm down a minute. Didn’t you tell me that you didn’t give them a definite answer? That you only said you ‘might’ be able to come?"

  "Well… yeah, but-"

 "And what did the doc say about the time you spent here?"

  "Well… she said it was my time. But-"

  "But nothing. Do you really want to go?" Josh asked, as he took her hand in his, and looked into her eyes.

  She didn’t say anything for a minute, just returning Josh’s gaze until, slowly, a smile turned up the corners of her mouth, and her features relaxed. Her gaze traveled first from Josh’s bare chest, to the jeans hanging low on his hips, the top button unbuttoned, and his bare feet.  Then she looked down at herself- naked except for Josh’s oft appropriated Harvard t-shirt. It was a miracle that he even had it on earlier, since she ended up wearing it more than he did.

  "We’re not exactly dressed to impress, are we?" she asked.

 "No- but then you impress me no matter what you’re wearing," he said as he returned her smile.

  "There you go being sweet again. A real Mr. Softie…" Donna teased as she reached around and pinched his backside.

 Josh groaned at the mention of Donna’s new favorite nickname for him and swatting her barely covered butt, said, "Get woman. Go away and taunt me no more, or no dinner for you."

  "Far be it from me to stand in the way of you cooking for me," Donna said, as she darted out of the kitchen on a trail of laughter.   
  
  Later that evening they were curled up on the wide, deep sofa, a fire blazing merrily in the hearth, while Josh flipped channels on the remote in a vain attempt to find anything non-holiday oriented to watch. Donna had firmly boycotted C-Span, CNN or any other all news channels. She had made the very valid point that if there was anything going on in the world that he *needed* to know about that he was a mere phone call away. Not to mention, that this was ’their time’.  He hated it when she made points he couldn’t argue with.

  He continued to channel surf for a bit longer when he came across a holiday piece being done in the west lobby of the White House. He sneaked a glance at Donna to see if she just how vigorously she was going to enforce the ‘no news’ boycott. She arched an eyebrow at him, then shrugged.

  "It’s a fluff piece on a local station. I’ll allow it," she said.

  "Thank you, your majesty."

  "Do you want me to make you sit through ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’ again?" Donna threatened.

  "No….no, no, no. That’s quite alright."

  "Then behave."

They watched for a few minutes longer when all of the sudden the sugary tones of a former White House reporter, first in voice over, then followed by a tight shot of her on screen caught their attention. Donna sat up a little straighter and glanced at Josh.

  "Isn’t that Sherri Wexler?"

   "Yeah…hold on."

  Josh turned the volume up a bit and leaned forward to watch more closely.

      "… the White House during the holiday season is always a magnificent sight, and usually draws more than it’s usual share of tourist traffic during this time- as well as a few local citizens. This reporter happened to be at the White House today when a member of the DCPD received a specially guided tour. Apparently the White House has it’s own reasons for inviting this particular DCPD detective for such preferential treatment. He was instrumental in resolving a hostage situation at a local area market in October. More importantly, one of the hostages involved in that incident was Donna Moss, assistant to Deputy Chief of Staff, Josh Lyman. We can only assume that the special treatment was a show of appreciation for his handling of that incident."

  Donna glanced at Josh and asked, "What the hell is she bringing that up for?"

  "I don’t…wait… no, I know she’s not…"

 Confused, Donna looked from Josh back to the image of Sherri Wexler’s saccharine sweet smile as she rambled on.

  "An interesting aside to this is that the hostage situation Detective Morgan helped resolve was the same event that revealed the previously undisclosed romance between Deputy Chief of Staff and his assistant… "

  At that moment Josh snapped the television off with a muttered curse.

  "That’s why she brought it up," Josh replied with a sigh.

  Donna looked thoughtful for a moment and Josh watched to see how she processing this annoying development. Finally she turned to him and asked a question.

  "Was that about her being ridiculous and unprofessional, or something else."

  "Well, it could be about that bitch-slapping she took from CJ in the pressroom last month," Josh replied with a shrug. "Or it could be about her being a ridiculous woman who is in love with the sound of her own voice… Are you… does this bother you?"

  "Other than the fact that it’s stupid, marginally embarrassing for us and Detective Morgan, and might I repeat- stupid? No. In the large scheme of things it’s a blip."

  "A blip?" Josh asked, a bit amused.

 "Yeah- a blip. A blip on the radar screen of my life."

  "Okay."

   At that moment Josh’s cell phone rang. He looked at Donna with a shrug and then reached over to answer it.

  "Josh Lyman"

  "Hey, Josh! It’s Sam. How’s the beach?"

  "The beach is fine, Sam- considering it’s December and all. What’s up?"

  "How’s Donna?"

  "Donna’s fine, Sam. What’s up?" Josh asked, although he had a pretty good idea why Sam was calling. He had probably caught Sherri Wexler’s bit, just as they had.

  "Well… see…here’s the thing…"

 "Sam?"

  "Yeah?"

 "We saw Sherri’s piece. Donna’s fine with it. To use her words, it’s a ‘blip’ on her radar screen. Don’t worry about it."

  "Well, that may be true, but I think it’s a little more than a ‘blip’ to CJ. I haven’t seen her this pissed since Leo announced he was hiring Ainsley."

  "Really? What’d she do?" Josh asked a wide grin on his face as he anticipated CJ’s revenge on that hairdo with a microphone.

  "What did who do?" Donna asked impatiently, trying to follow the conversation.

 "CJ," Josh said to Donna, then back to Sam, "So?"

 "I really didn’t understand all of it- she was pretty pissed, but there was something about taking her big stick and shoving it really far up Sherri Wexler’s …well, you get the idea."

  "Yeah. You can’t fault CJ for her colorful imagery." Josh laughed and then repeated what Sam had told him to Donna. Donna laughed as well, punctuating it with a yell of "Go CJ!"

  "I’m still trying to figure out that thing about the ‘big stick’…although Carol seemed to get what she was referring to. Maybe she knows something about CJ that we don’t."

  "I’m sure Carol knows many things about CJ that we don’t, but I don’t even want to begin to guess what they are… Listen, Donna wants to talk to you, okay? Talk to you later, buddy," Josh said, handing the phone to Donna.

  "Hi, Sam. You guys having fun up there?" Donna asked with a grin.

  "Oh yeah- but not as much fun as we would if you were here. Are you enjoying your time at the beach?"

  "Definitely. I think I’ve found the perfect R & R spot for us. You’d love it."

  "I’ll bet I would. We all miss you, but I’m glad you’re having a good time." Sam said.

 "I really am. Listen, do me a favor, will you?"

  "Sure. What do you need?"

  "Tell CJ I’m fine with the Sherri Wexler thing. That I thought she was being her typical ridiculous self, so please don’t do anything that we’ll have to invent an alibi for. I’m not there to be her partner in crime this time."

  "Okay, I’ll be sure to do that. Hey Donna?"

  "Yeah?"

  "I really don’t want to know what that ‘partner in crime’ stuff is about, do I?"

 "Not unless you want to hear all about the Curse of Bast," Donna replied.

  "Actually…no- I think I’m fine being left in the dark on this one."

  "Yeah, that’s what I thought. Give CJ a hug for me and we’ll call you guys tomorrow, okay?"

  "Okay. Talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight Donna."

  "Goodnight, Sam. Thanks for looking out for me."  
  
Donna hung up and looked over at Josh, noticing the smug little grin on his face. She poked him in the side and said, "What’s that for? Are you relishing all that colorful imagery that CJ unleashed?"

 "Well… that’s part of it."

 "What else?"

 "You forgot somebody."

  "Forgot who? What are you talking about, Josh?"

 "Toby."

"What about Toby. Toby wasn’t even mentioned."

"Very true- but I wouldn’t take any bets on Toby not hearing about it and extracting revenge in typical Tobyesque fashion," Josh replied with a grin.

  "Why would Toby do something like that?"

"For several reasons, actually. First of all, Toby’s very fond of you- in his own gruff, prickly way. Secondly, Sherri Wexler’s an unprofessional, mean-spirited pain in the ass who deserves what she gets. Last, but definetly not least, because of all the fun he‘ll have doing it."

  Donna thought about that for a moment, then with a shrug and a smile said, "Well, I can hardly argue with that kind of reasoning."

  They settled back into channel flipping and chatting about random things that came to mind for a while until Josh turned the tv off and tossed the remote on the table. Donna turned to him, a silent question in her eyes. She knew Josh too well not to know when he had something on his mind. She didn’t say anything for a while though, but just watched as the light from the fire played over his features. Finally he met her eyes.

  "I want to ask you about something…"

 "I kind of figured that," Donna replied.

  "Yeah… I just didn’t want- well, things have been nice and relaxed, and you’ve seemed so happy…"

  "You didn’t want to blow the mood with serious stuff?" Donna ventured.

 "Pretty much," Josh admitted with a rueful half smile.

 "That’s okay. I know you well enough to know that if it’s here," she said, touching the creased lines on his forehead. "that it’s not going away until we deal with it."

  "I’d argue with that if I didn’t already know you’d win."

  "You’re a wise man at times, Josh."

  "Yeah, right… The thing is- and if I’m wrong to bring this up, just say so- but I noticed something when I was upstairs earlier."

  "What?" Donna asked, even though she had a sneaking suspicion what he was referring to.

  "The letter," Josh replied, and was a bit concerned when Donna looked away, and sighed. He was a bit relieved, however, when she turned back to him, and there were no dark ghosts lingering in her clear blue eyes. No fear at all. Nothing more than the acknowledgement that Josh was right, and she had one last bit of business left to take care of.

  "Yeah… I’ve been meaning to read it, but the time was never right, I guess."

  Josh didn’t reply to her statement, but simply looked into her eyes, waiting for her to continue.

  "Okay. That’s not entirely true. I have been kind of avoiding it," she admitted.

 "Because you’re not ready to read it, or…"

 "No. I think I’m ready. I just…will you read it with me?" Donna asked, looking almost embarrassed to be asking him.

  "Of course. Go get it and we’ll sit here and read it together."

   Donna nodded and got up from her place on the sofa next to Josh and went upstairs to retrieve the letter Mark Lewis had written her so many weeks ago.   
  
   They sat together for a few moments, not saying or doing anything, until Donna finally turned the envelope over in her hands and broke the seal. She removed the pages, and smothing then out, began to read aloud.

   Dear Miss Moss,

     I know that this letter will come as a surprise to you, and maybe not a welcome one, but I had to write and give you my thanks for giving my brother another chance.

  I know you probably think he doesn’t deserve anymore chances, and if I were you I might feel that way too. The thing is- the person you saw in that market that day- that wasn’t really my brother. I mean, yes, it was my brother Doug, but he wasn’t the person who helped my mom to raise me, and he wasn’t the guy that taught me how to play baseball, and taught me to swim in Rock Creek Park. The person you saw that day was someone who was desperate and scared and woried that my life would turn into the mess his had become. The things he did that day, he did in part to protect me.  Doug has been trying to do that for a long time- so, I guess what happened that day was as much my fault as his…maybe more.

  I guess it all started when our dad walked out. I was five. Doug was ten. He’d been looking out for me long before our dad took off though. Of the two of us Doug always had it worse. That’s not an excuse- just the way things were…

  Donna went on to read about the hardships that Mark and his brother had endured growing up. She hadn’t wanted to feel sorry for either of them, and while she didn’t get the impression that the intention of Mark’s letter was a plea for sympathy, Donna couldn’t help but be moved by the things he wrote.

  When Donna read how Doug had fallen in with one of the gangs as a desperate way to help his family survive, and possibly provide a better life for his brother, she shook her head in dismay at his foolishness. Mark went on to describe how Doug’s  first real foray into anything illegal had landed him in jail, forsaken by his so-called ‘brothers’ to take the fall alone. A plea from their mother, who was terminally ill at the time, was the one thing that encouraged Doug to cooperate with the police and name the ones who had done the actual crimes that night. Of course, eventually his cooperation with the police got out, and he suffered the consequences by fellow gang members both in and out of jail.

  That day in the market was supposed to finance their getaway. The were escaping the gang retribution that was starting to touch Mark too, the poverty, the desperation- everything their life had become. Doug hadn’t wanted Mark there that day, but he’d refused to be left behind- and it all gone so horribly wrong.

    I know all of this seems like a lot of excuses for doing something that was terribly wrong, but that’s not my intention. I just wanted you to know that Doug isn’t a bad person deep down, despite what you saw that day. He’s my brother and I love him- but he loves me too, and he just got so desperate that he stopped seeing anything but how to get us away.

  I hope, that one day when all this is behind you, that you can find it in you to understand, if not forgive, the things that happened that day. Even if you can’t- I will always be grateful to you for saving my life, and my brother’s too. For that, I’ll always be in your debt.

                                                                        Mark Lewis

 

 

  When Donna finished reading, she glanced at Josh trying to gauge his reaction. Unable to read his thoughts, she turned away, returning the pages to the envelope, and placing it on the table. When she sat back, she found him regarding her carefully. She returned his gaze with a questioning arch to her brow.

 

  "I don’t know what to say," he finally admitted.

   "I think I know how you feel- except…I’m glad he wrote what he did."

  "It still doesn’t excuse it. I mean, come on, Donna- everybody’s had something bad happen in their lives, some more than others, but that doesn’t give them the right to-"

  "I know that, Josh. It’s… I’m not excusing it. I just understand it better. It’s not like those people who shot you and the President. That was driven by hate and ignorance. This was just stupid desperation. It doesn’t make it right. It just makes it easier to understand," Donna stated firmly, but gently, and when Josh looked into her eyes he saw an earnest desire that he understand.

  At first, he couldn’t. All he could think about was that hellish phone call, and listening to the shots and the screaming, and dealing with the knowledge that Donna was there, in the middle of all that. After that was the long vigil outside the market- those interminable hours waiting to see if she would come out alive. He finally reminded himself that she had come out alive- as much due to her efforts as Detective Morgan’s. Eventually he acknowledged that this wasn’t about how he dealt with that night, it was about Donna, and what she needed. He shook off his memories and turned to her.

  "So… now that you understand what put them there that day, does that help how you feel?" Josh asked, taking her hand and pulling her close.

  "Yes, it really does. I guess it’s like the last piece of the puzzle. It puts everything in perspective somehow," Donna replied.

  "What do you mean?"

  "Well, when it happened I got this idea in my head that any kind of happiness we would have would be short lived. I thought about how I’d almost lost you once already, and everything we went through to admit how we felt. Then once we finally were starting to feel secure- wham- I got stuck in the middle of a robbery gone bad. I guess for a long time after that I kept waiting for something else to come along and finish us off."

  As Donna told him all of that, Josh had the distinct impression that it was just now dawning on her how completely that day had affected her thoughts and actions.

  "And now?"

 "And now I know that I can’t live my life waiting for and expecting the other shoe to drop. I’ve realized that stuff happens, and nothing we do or don’t do can prevent that stuff from happening. The best we can do is live our life as well as we can, and if we’re lucky there will be a lot more good than bad. Once you accept that, it liberates you from that awful feeling of impending doom."

  "So, you’re just now realizing this. I thought you always pretty much felt that way," Josh said with a bit of a smile.

  "I did. I just forgot for a while," Donna replied with a smile.

  "Promise me something?" Josh asked as he pulled her into his arms.

  "What?"

 "Please try not to forget it again. Looking at life the way you do is so much a part of who you are- it’s just not the same Donna when you lose that."

  "I’ll do my best- I promise," Donna replied, laying her head on his chest.

  "Good. That’s all I can ask for. Now… what would you like to do for the rest of the evening?"

  "Well, I’ve got you, a roaring fire, and a comfy bed upstairs with a view of the ocean. The only element missing is a little personal attention."

  "You have really good ideas. Did I ever mention that before?" Josh asked with a wicked grin.

  "Once or twice… Come on, let’s make this idea a reality," Donna said, getting up from the sofa and holding her hand out to Josh.

  "You don’t have to ask me twice."  
  
  
   Josh and Donna woke on the morning of December twenty-fourth to see snow falling outside the big bay window of their bedroom. They both lay there for a while, reveling in the rare luxury of a quiet, peaceful morning. After a while, Donna turned to Josh and propping her chin on his chest, she looked at him with a tender expression on her face.

  "You know … it’s really beautiful here, and I really do love it. Also, coming here- and having you join me was my idea. But…" Donna trailed off, not sure if she wanted to complete her thought or not.

  "But?" Josh prompted.

  "But… I miss home. I miss our friends. I even miss the White House."

  "Oh man… you’ve got it bad, don’t you. So, you want to go home- leave today?"

  "Would you mind?"

  "Really? No… I wouldn’t mind at all. It’s like I told you before, I’m happy as long as we’re together."

  "You’re sure?" she asked, sitting up with a wide smile on her face. Of course when she did that, the covers fell away revealing her bare torso, effectively distracting Josh from answering her. She laughed when she noticed that his attention had wandered and more specifically why, and she swatted his arm to get his attention.

  "Stop ogling my breasts and answer me."

  "I can’t help it. They’re right there… besides, ogling your body is one of my divine rights," he retorted with a smirk.

  Donna responded to that with a snort, and grabbing the afghan from the foot of the bed, she wrapped it around her and stood over him.

  "Do you think your poor, male-challenged attention span can focus on answering me now?" Donna asked with a smirk.

  "Well, yeah… if you take dessert off the table , I kinda have to focus on the peas and carrots."

  "Using food metaphors when referring to me will almost guarantee that you not only don’t get dessert, but that you forget what dessert tastes like," Donna replied with a challenging arch to her brow.

  "Well… in that case- yes, Donna. I am quite eager and ready to begin our journey home," Josh replied, putting on a fairly believable pose of being contrite. Donna didn’t buy it for a minute, but she had to admit the effort was kind of cute.

  "That’s what I thought you’d say. Come on, let’s get dressed. I want a last walk on the beach before we go," Donna said, pulling jeans and a sweater out of the dresser.

  "But… it’s snowing,Donna." Josh pointed out, still comfortably curled up under the heavy down comforter. "Not to mention- I can think of much better ways to while away our last morning here."

  "I’m sure you can, but they’ll have to wait until later. Come on-" Donna said, yanking the comforter off of the bed with a saucy toss of her head. "…out of bed, lazy man!"

  Josh got out of bed- reluctantly and grumbling. "I think I was just trying to prove how lazy I’m *not*. You just wouldn’t let me."

  "You already proved that. Many, many times…" Donna said, wrapping her arms around Josh as he started to walk past her on his way on the bathroom.

  "It’s about time my efforts were appreciated," he grumbled with a hint of a smile.

  "Always," she said, sweetly, giving him a kiss for good measure. Just when Josh decided she may have changed her minded about the walk on the beach, she reached behind him and swatted his butt. "Now hurry up and get dressed. I’ll make the coffee."  
  
   By early afternoon,Josh and Donna had packed, loaded up both cars, and closed up Madison’s house. The morning snow had tapered off, leaving nothing more than a pretty little dusting covering the ground. If anything, it made the area look that much more picturesque, and Donna had a momentary twinge about leaving. Then she thought of the new holiday traditions that she and Josh would begin this year, and she realized once again that the only place she really wanted to be was the home she shared with Josh.

  "Ready to go?" Josh asked, standing between the two cars. He would be following her in his car until they got to Norfolk, where she would return her rental.

  "Yeah, I’m ready. In fact, right now, I feel ready for just about anything," Donna declared with a bright smile.

  Josh pulled her into his arms and kissing her soundly, said, "That’s my Donnatella. I just hope you still feel that way when you get your Christmas present tonight."

  "What’s that supposed to mean? What about my Christmas present? What is it?" Donna asked, following after Josh as he walked to his car door.

  "You’ll find out tonight.For now, that’s all I’m saying."

  "Josh Lyman! That’s mean! Now I won’t be able to think of anything else until tonight."

  "Yeah… I didn’t think of that. Sorry," he replied with a grin, not looking the least sorry.

  Donna stood there for a moment, a full fledged pout on her face, brightening only when Josh turned around at the last moment as if he was reconsidering.

  "Donna?"

  "Yeah?" she asked, hopefully.

  "Don’t forget to drive careful. You wouldn’t want anything to happen to keep us from exchanging our gifts tonight."

  Donna saw the satisfied little smirk on Josh’s face as he got in the car and shut the door. Stamping her foor in frustration, she followed suit, trying her best not go crazy thinking of what he could have got her to provoke that kind of comment.

  Josh watched Donna’s reflection in his rear-view mirror, and smiling to himself, he unlocked the compartment between the front seats, taking out the small black velvet box hidden there. With a glance to make sure that Donna was still in her car and couldn’t see what he was doing, Josh flipped open the box. It was perfect. He had thought it was when he first saw it, but he was even more sure now. He just hoped with all his heart that she felt the same way.

  Returning the box to it’s hiding place, Josh started the car and followed Donna out of the driveway to begin their journey home. Home and hopefully the start of a whole new chapter of their lives. 


End file.
